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You are walking down a road at night when suddenly a dark and mysterious figure emerges from the shadows. It's me!! I am the Narrator. You don't know it, but I control your life. I will write your destiny and turn you into a mollusk or other squishy animal. That's Right. I exist to make your life seem less worthless , and more interesting for the audience-think March of The Penguins without Morgan Freeman. Oh, yeah and everything you thought you did in private thousands watched it. They know about your paraplegic fetish and how you sometimes eat out of the trash. Mediocrely entertaining stuff. Your videos don't sell exceptionally well, but we always at least break even. If you start to be boring, we just kill you off. Scared? You should be, as I narrate and dictate your entire life! Mwahahahahahahahaha!

I know you are shaking your head, but you see I am making you shake it. I will force you to send money. Send money...



Wait for it...

Huh... I'm rubbish at this job.

I see when you sleep, I see you when you take a Poop[edit]

People don't even hear me narrating because they think its their own inner monologue, which makes me wonder why they are thinking in 3rd person. I don't see them complaining when people watch their homemade Porn that they secretly uploaded 3 in the morning. DON'T JUDGE ME!! By the way while you were reading this, I took a Crap in your pillow.

Better narrators[edit]

See also[edit]

chicken little Bob Marley