Naruto: The TV Show

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Masturbation is hard work, especially for tiny dicklad Naruto.


Another poor degenerate that has caught the Naruto virus.

Naruto is a pre-school kid's show, that was originally on Nick Jr. It is about the adventures of a furry-ninja boy named Naruto, and his retards--er, friends, Sasuke and Sakura, as they go on completely non-violent and G-rated adventures. The show cannot have a sypnosis, fully, due to the fact of it making almost less sense than Yu-Gi-Oh. That's pretty bad then.

Plot[edit]

The basic plot is that the ninja kids have to go through all kinds of other fights with other kid fighters, using all kinds of 'jutsu's and other ninja attacks that only Japanophiles could translate. The goal was to be able to make these battles last for eight episodes per time, each episode only for the purpose of wasting time talking about an attack they never do until later. Operation Fillers of Doom was a success.

The other characters, besides Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, are people like Kakashi, the guy who covers his one eye, due to the fact that his eye is actually a miniature penis, so of course he would always cover that. He's always reading Playboy and never any help whatsoever.

An image of the dick-eyed Kakashi himself.

Gaara, a fangirl favorite, is almost as emo as Sasuke, but not quite. Gaara is just a sandman who enjoys being all goth and spooky, with a 'dark', 'tragic' past, or so his fangirls like to imagine.

Rock Lee is an ugly dickhead, whom blind fangirls find hot, despite him looking like a total douchebag. He has a horrid haircut, nerd style, and wears tight clothes, to proudly show the tiny bulge in which he has. These fangirls MUST be blind.

Naruto himself is basically your average little anime furry character. Of the demon/furry/ninja/human/FBI agent/Arabian/monkey/car hybrid, he basically has the ability to change himself to look like Sailor Moon, but actually looking hot. The only purpose of this, was for him to masturbate to himself when he did so.

Sasuke is the ultimate emo ninja, that is a fangirl favorite. He cuts himself, and uses his razorblades to attack his enemies. His special attacks involve poorly written poetry, and blasting Hawthorne Heights albums. He and Naruto are a homosexual couple, who make out every ten seconds.

Sakura has no purpose. She is hardly even hot. She is just the stereotypical pink-haired anime character, who has a crush on the main character (MAJOR PLOT TWIST) but doesn't even know it yet. [/major shock] She is the most original character, and is definately not a whiny little bitch. Though, then that wouldn't explain why the crew need to bring out ear plugs at certain points...

The Show[edit]

Cosplaying geeks unite!

Since the show has no resemblance to Dragon Ball Z whatsoever, the show is a huge hit, especially in America, perhaps even more than in Japan. The anime has caused 4chan kids, and any other furry/anime fan to crawl loose over the internet and create loads of crappy fanart and fanfictions, just for the lulz.


The show has hypnotized American children into thinking that they can actually look like some anime character, and try to dress up as a ninja and go to anime conventions and cosplay. Though, severe cases are common, in which they really DO believe they are ninjas, and wear those fucking headbands all day long, and yell out jutsu's out of nowhere, and pretend to make ninja attacks. Most of these kids, are sent to a mental institute. The rest, people are too afraid to even go near.

Naruto History[edit]

Naruto J. Fitzgerald, (born in 1932), is a twelve-year-old 'special' kid, who gets to ride on the short ninja bus, and special treatment for being a retarded kid. His step-father, Goku, had died in a hardcore action battle, while his mother committed suicide, leaving him homeless. (His real father, no one knows of, but it is rumored he is a hobo.) Naruto had to live behind garbage cans on the streets, and trust on the power of his wisdom and ninja awesomeness, for him to pull through.

He randomly found a bunch of money, and built his own home, where he sits there all day, like a lazyass, watching porn and eating spoiled Japanese noodle shit.

You better believe it!!

Narutard Syndrome[edit]

A Narutard is obviously a combination of a retard and insane Naruto fanatic. They are very common to find, but very dangerous. Their job is to confuse you to no end about the last episode of Naruto. Using Japanese names that don't make fucking sense to any average, non-Japanophile AMERICANS.

The symptoms for this fast-spreading virus are:

  • Wearing a ninja headband from Hot Topic, (Or maybe even over the intarnetz.) 24/7, and wherever they go.
  • The only books they are found reading are their Naruto mangas.
  • They get all pissy if you quote something wrong, or say a jutsu wrong. Or at least not the specific, exact way it was said.
  • Posting pictures all over the internet and all over your walls of your favorite characters, most likely Gaara or Lee.
  • Talking about nothing else but Naruto this, Naruto that, how smexy the show and characters are, etc.
  • Finding the 'sad' episodes so 'dearly tragic', when it is under the low level of sadness on the anime scale. Afterall, the American one may be the worst, but either way, it's not a fucking adult cartoon. It's still a teen cartoon. UNDERSTAND THERE ARE THINGS WORSE KTHXBAI.
  • Having unhealthy fetishes and poorly made sex jokes about your favorite character, despite them being either way past your age, or just being completely younger. They're twelve years old, and unless you lost your virginity at twelve... that's wrong, you know.
  • Posting Naruto icons, pics, banners, etc. all over Myspace.
  • Impersonating as a Naruto character on Myspace.
  • Cosplaying at an anime convention.
  • Believing they are really ninjas, and have hardcore fighting abilities.
  • They have lost touch with reality.

Masturbation[edit]

He saw what you do when you watch Naruto... bad fantard, bad. You make poor kitty sad.

Crazed Naruto fans are commonly known to have an addiction to masturbation, or as most know it, fucking themselves.

Basically, everytime after an episode of Naruto ends, the fantards get ready to masturbate to what Rock Lee, Gaara, Sasuke, or Mr. Penis Eye did in the last episode, and create some twisted way to masturbate to it. For Gaara fans, they seem to find a new outlook, when going to the beach, as they find the sand arousing.

This trend was started by none other than Reese Witherspoon (Whom is quite a fan!), when watching the show instead of going to a huge, fun celebrity party. When hypnotized, she went all SUPAKAWAII!!!^_____^^___^^___^ and started to come up with insane fantasies about these ninjas, whom most are around the age of twelve, might I remind. And so, as usual, when a celebrity does something, everyone must do it. Since no one cares for originality, anyway. Ever since everyone was turned into poorly working robots, created by Mr. Dickweed.

Methods include:

  • Shoving your headband up your vagina or ass.
  • Using a vibrator, that looks or reminds you of Naruto.
  • Your own hands. The old-fashioned way; just like Abraham Lincoln used to do it.
  • Finding an action figure to touch yourself with... you sick perv.
  • Shoving your dick through the hole in the middle of your DVDs. Hey, if you're a Narutard, it'll fit.

Ever since the show had aired, this dignity raping rapidly spreading virus has poisoned the minds of anyone from ages 4-59. (Those especially around the age of 17, who should be into chicks, money, and cars, instead of ugly anime chicks.) Note that some adults are also poisoned, as well as young children. Though it only makes sense to them. The teenagers are the most common, of course, as that was the creator of the show (Dick Cheney) had in mind the whole time. Using a hypnotic anime super kawaii ninja furry jutsu, he was able to attract most of a teenage audience of geeks or simply people with bad television taste. Though the usual reason an older adult would like the show, would probably be to go online and find other Narutards to ask their specific addresses, meet them, and fuck them senseless.

Awards[edit]

  • Most Original Anime Evar Award
  • Most Hardcore Anime Award
  • Best Furry of the Year Award
  • Anime Most Like DBZ Award
  • Most Overrated and Practically Sellout Anime Award (This one, alot of animes try to succeed in winning.)
  • ULTMATSUPAKAWAIIAKSHUNANIMEHEVEH!!!!!!!!!^____^^____^^____^__^^=^^-^^-^ Award. (Don't feel bad if you can't read it... it means you have grammar.)
  • FAIL Award
  • Most Likely to Make Fans Commit Mass Suicide When Cancelled Award
  • Eternal Rival of One Piece

Trivia[edit]

  • The show was first aired June 22nd, 2010. It was so amazing of a show, hardly anyone was able to watch the first episode, leaving it without any viewers at first. The show only gained viewers, when they noticed the furry qualities it had.
  • NarutoXSasuke is the most likely and best couple for the show's fandom ever.
  • Naruto is several times mistaken for a girl. Shocking, isn't it?
  • Kakashi can use his penis eye to jack off, but that was already obvious.
  • Hinata is also another original character, but no one cares enough about her... especially Naruto.
  • The show sucks at sex jokes, but that was stated by Captain Obvious.

See Also[edit]