Nathan Fillion

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Nathan Fillion as the Hunchback of Notre Dame, with Athena, godess of all badass warrior chicks, below left, in the summer blockbuster "Also, I Can Kill You With My Face".

Nathan "Mal" Fillion is a Swedish actor well known for his role as the cursed Vampire Angel on the hit TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer and his somewhat turnipy odor.

Before Buffy[edit]

Born in the year 1337 to Jesus Christ and Sarah Michelle Gellar in space, Fillion spent most of his life on his Mosquito-class ship, Anxiety, working as a freelance criminal. He bult up a small crew to help him with his many jobs. Among his crew was his first mate Samus Aran, Dr. Gregory House, Robin Hood, who was a total fucktard in real life, an evil superpreacher named Caleb, Alyson Hannigan, Princess Peach, Joss Whedon, and some psycho chick they picked up along the way. They committed many crimes, and had lots of zany adventures along the way. However, after only eleven weeks, all but Fillion and Hannigan, who both went on to act in Buffy, were killed in a terrible crash. Months later, it was discovered that the crew had actually experienced three other weeks of zany adventures. Fillion sunk into a deep depression and turned to drinking before trying out for an acting career, which he was unsuccessful at until he was finally accepted into Buffy.

During Buffy[edit]

Fillion was cast as Buffy's boyfriend/whore, Angel, a Vampire cursed with a soul who could never eat crème brûlée, or else he would lose that soul and turn evil. He was a very popular character who later got his own spinoff series involving Angel being turned female and going to New York. Fillion portrayed both male and female Angel.

After Buffy[edit]

After Buffy ended, Fillion became rich, famous and successful. He used a large amount of his money to tell his autobiography in the form of a fourteen episode television series which he called "Mosquito". He casted actor David Boreanaz to play Fillion, and Alyson Hannigan as herself. The rest of the actors were relatively unknown. While searching for someone to help produce and direct his autobiography, he discovered that Joss Whedon, the pilot of his old crew, was still alive, and in fact was the creator, producer, writer and director of Buffy. Something Fillion never knew, because he never actually looked at the director while there. He chose Joss to help with the show, and afterwards, he, Joss, Alyson, and the rest of his crew, who were also alive, went back to crime and adventure, starting with a full two-hour adventure in September of 2005. He also learnt to grow mushrooms from his head, in case he was ever lost in the desert and the need for food arose.

Creating Firefly[edit]

Nathan Fillion is the writer, director, producer, financier and promoter of "Firefly: The Next Generation", the spin off series from "Mosquito". He sold his children to finance the show's pilot, rumoured to have cost $9.4 bajillion pounds. "Firefly" featured Joss Whedon playing Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds, a pilot of a top of the range space ship. Each episode had something to do with a highly moral message about American humans being the bestest people in the whole wide universe, however this claim was flatly denied by Nathan Fillion in a 2006 interview, saying simply "That is false. We were too drunk whilst writing to come up with that much detail. I like to think of Firefly as 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'?"

Dating[edit]

Nathan dates Sean Harry of Starfury conventions fame. They met at a wedding in 2006 Fillion was crashing. He was so drunk he actually thought Sean was female. Thankfully, it transpired that Sean was just a transexual. They share a home in Jaynestown with their 74 year old cat, 'Dirty Cat', which Fillion stole from Christina Aguilera.

Other facts about Fillion[edit]

  • Nathan Fillion has battled Chuck Norris on more than one occasion. The battles normally consist of Norris doing roundhouse kicks and beard-related attacks, and Fillion doing quick-draws and witty dialogue. Fillion has managed to get the upper hand on Norris multiple times, but it is unknown exactly who would win, since all of their battles have been interrupted by God, who feared that if they continued the world would completely blow up.
  • Mal shot first and killed Han.
  • Fillion enjoys kidnapping people and dressing them up like Barbie dolls.
  • Fillion can jump in the air with both feet still on the ground.
  • Is married to jetflair but is having a glamourous media affair with the mysterious Capture
  • Has 13 children, called "Joss", "Jewel", "Summer!", "Sean", "Badger", "Joss II", "Jewel II", "Summer! II", "Sean II", "Badger II", "Spuffy" and "Apple"
  • Best known for his role in Searching For Bobby Fisher as the "Wrong Fisher".
  • Is James Gunn's bitch.
  • Is an immortal and can only be killed with a cum sock to the eye.
  • Is the President of Romania.
  • Can warp space-time with his quiff.
  • Favorite Band is Ace of Base.
  • Nathan Fillion hates anime and emos.
  • His favorite movie is Groundhogs Day.
  • His favorite movie is Groundhogs Day.
  • His favorite movie is Groundhogs Day.