Nectar loyalty cards

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search


The Nectar Loyalty Card is a cultural innovation in Mediocre Britain. Invented in 1986 by Fred Dibnah, the same man who invented the horrific ZX Spectrum, Nectar Loyalty Cards have served their purpose of providing citizens of Mediocre Britain with rewards such as cheap holidays to Scotland, CD's and DVD's, and cuddly toys what are worth, like, a couple of quid, innit? (blud)


In the early days of the Nectar Loyalty Card, the public of Mediocre Britain were apprehensive to embrace the shiny piece of plastic, which guaranteed them crap prizes for buying certain things. Quite how it managed to gain popularity in its latter days is a mystery, but several historians believe that a television advertising campaign featuring "I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here" contestants contributed to the success of the Nectar Loyalty Card as it is today. The advertising campaign was run frequently on the UK Hitler Channel, and success was almost instantaneous, with celebrities such as Oscar Wilde and Margaret Thatcher expressing their love of the plastic cards.


Nectar Loyalty cards are widely accepted at many shops in Mediocre Britain, including those shops which sell crap electronic gifts that look cool, but once bought, turn out to have limited functionality, and are thrown away. Many owners accumulate large numbers of points on their cards, without redeeming them. Thousands of people have nectar points which they are unaware that they can use.

Sainsbury's Supermarkets[edit]

A special mention here to the sacred temples of the Nectar Card world. J Sainsbury, in his supposed godlike wisdom decided that people might want to shop at his shop if he let them have lots of free Nectar points. As no-one really wanted Nectar points, and those that did shopped at his shop anyway, the sacred shrine of Nectarians is still undeniably theirs. And they're entitled to it because we don't want it!


The popularity of Nectar Loyalty Cards is phenomenal. It is estimated that 93% of the population of Mediocre Britain own or at some point have owned a Nectar card. Despite this, only 4% of people actually use their Nectar points, and we still only know about 25% of what people actually use them for.