From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Neverton F.C.
The Toughies
Founded: 1885
Ground: Goody-Two Shoes Park, Hell
Manager: Gollum
Chairman: The Scouse Mouse
League: FA Premiership


~ David Moyes, making Tim Cahill feel uncomfortable

Neverton are a B.B. King- and candy-obsessed football team. They are from Liverpool They are widely considered to be the finest side ever to play in Azerbaidjan, or they would be but for the fact that they are actually based in Her Majesty's Prison Scousonia. Over there, they are currently regarded as the 4th best club, with only Liverpool, Liverpool Reserves and Tranmere Rovers above them. They are the George Harrison to Liverpool's Lennon & McCartney. Or possibly Ringo Starr. They have a long-standing rivalry with Spanish outfit Gobshites F.C.


Neverton first came to prominence in the days of Salvador Duran Duran (also known as the 80's), when the FA decided Liverpool shouldn't be winning the league every year. As the trophy was already conveniently located on Merseyside, and Tranmere were closed for the day, the FA bigwigs decided to drop it off at Goody-two Shoes Park.

The team found a resurgence in the Age of Girls Aloud (also known as the double zero's). New Manager Smeagol has proved a succes, provided he gets his bucket of fish heads every day. Smeagol guided them to within an arm's length of former good team, Londres, whose manager Arsey Whinger had decided that the team he made was so good, they should play the game as if there were no goals.rocky balboa is currently their only fan without an A.S.B.O

Famous Players[edit]

Gary Lineker World renowned crisp salesman, the zenith of his career was his goal against Germany in the World Cup when he took the ball in his mouth on the England goal line, used his Dumbo-ears to fly to the other side of the pitch and calmly spit the ball past an air-punching and kitten-raping Harald Schumacher. BBC's Match of the Day use GaryBot 3000, a primitive and monotonous android designed in his honour, as their presenter

Peter Crouch the best ever about 10 feet tall and o wait no that Liverpool sorry.

James Beattie A rubbish striker, but with an absolutely fabulous hairstyle.

Mikel Arteta An ETA-terrorist sent to learn techniques used by the Scouseland Honourable Independence Team, an organization fighting for the liberation of the Merseyside from the evil Department for Work and Pensions. To the ETA's astonishment, Arteta was so good at his cover job as a Premierboat footballer that he was soon Neverton's finest player. Recently tried to claim he was english to get international football.

Tim "COCK! ARSE! FUCKNUTS!" Howard Tim is a brilliant goalkeeper from the United States of America, but viewed more critically from elsewhere. He is one in a long line of ex-Man Utd players to end up at Neverton, following in the illustrious footsteps of none other than Phillip, 2nd Lord Neville. FUCK YOU!

Timmy Cay-hill, mate. Crikey! Australia's finest export. Fuck Fosters. Fuck Fosters rrrrooooooight ahp the ah-se. Left the Scorched Continent because Mark "Bottomless Pete" Viduka was trying to eat him. The whole nation of Japan hates his guts. Tim admitted he only knows how to score with his head dispite being quite small.

Andy Johnson Remember that mad scientist in South Park who has a miniature clone of himself? Apparently, Ross Kemp did, as he made one himself to run around Afganistan and check for land mines. Unfortunately, the clone had a genetic defect which made him fall down in tears for no apparent reason, making it impossible to tell whether he had trodden on a mine or been touched by a light gust of wind. Kempo chucked him in a bin, and he resurfaced at Christ-all Palace under the codename "Andrew Johnson". After a few prolific years at Neverton, in which he fell over roughly 20.000 times, he was sold to Mo Al Fayed for a Christmas hamper and a nice cashmir jumper.

Marco MaterNazi Strange but true. The man who scored Italy's equalising goal in their World Cup final win of 2006 once donned that other famous blue shirt - no, not for France... or Chelsea... No, I'm not talking about Inter either... The other, OTHER famous blue shirt-the shirt of Neverton.

Andy "Oh You Beauty, What A Hit Son What A Hit" Gray The television commentator notched an impressive two goals in a 17-year spell on Merseyside before the bright lights of satellite television came a-calling. Was awarded the Victorian Cros for being able to spend more than a minute in a closed room with Richard Keys, which was the reason for his premature baldness. Also 'scored' with a winning Shredded Wheat commercial. Mr Gray has recently said that he prides himself for being a Everton Footballer Take a bow, son.

Didn't-yer Billy-let-one-off apparently a Russian football player, though this is yet to be confirmed by critics, who believe this guy is just a distinctively disgusting individual who lets one go in the dressing room every 5-10 minutes. He has been known to have killed a number of his Russian team mates because of this disgusting habit.

Yakubu Eats children. part time panto villain

Andy Van Der Meyde There have been many uncomfirmed sightings of this footballer. It is said all who actually do see him are turned to stone. Neverton fans sang 'he took a gary and went off his head andy van der meyde' this is no excuse for being shit, Man Utd squad since 1989 takes 3 lines of coke and 12 shots of tequila and have won loads of titles. (cause alex ferguson bribes referees with glade plug ins)

John Paul Kisscock Nevertons greatest player ever. Is the 2nd wookie to player for everton besides wayne rooney. This guy made 2222 appearances and currently plays for Hamilton Ricard F.C

Duckson Fergassmum This player was the most bizarre boxer to play for Neverton has a record of 100 wins and 1 loss which was to Jesus Bullard of Hull City

The FA Premier League
FA Premier League.png

Glory Hunters
Chel$ki Abramograd F.C. | Manchester Red Sox Ltd.

Slightly shittier teams that finish 3rd and 4th
Mickey Mousers Soccer Franchise Ltd. | Arse-anal

The Rest
Aston Villa | Tottenham Jooscum F.C. | Madchester Oasis F.C. |
Wet Spam G.S.E. | Harrods Cottagers F.C. | Greys Athletic | Long Ball-ton Wanderers | Neverton | Sunderland AFC | Pompeii

FA Premier League.png