Niels Bohr

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“No penis exists until it is measured.”

“Prediction is very difficult, especially without a time machine.”

Bohr mocking his twin brother.

Niels Bohr (1854-2080), the most aptly named of physicists was Albert Einstein's twin (evil) brother and life-long rival. He is best known for developing the colorful Model of the Atom, caused by huffing Schrodinger's kittens. Their children started out a long time ago when Niels and Albert wrestled each other and ended up getting inserted by each other. Albert came out onto Niels face, because he was way smarter and stronger, so he was loved more by the children. This enraged Niels so when he was only 1 day old, he caught fire (with his own bare hands) and moved to Copenhagen where he was adopted by a family of charizards.

Bohr met Einstein again at the Jedi Academy in Switzerland. Einstein was working on his theory of gravity so Bohr tried splitting the atom. Unfortunately, this led to a huge explosion that destroyed the classroom and sent Bohr to nine weeks of detention. The next year, Bohr won the science fair for inventing cheeze whiz but that was only because Einstein was sick and missed three days of class.

The next time the two men was at the International Mad Scientist Convention in Disneyland. There, the two men had a very heated debate on quantum mechanics, but could not get a universal frame of reference. The world almost ended at this time.

Bohr returned to his mother's womb where he spent many years on eating her insides out and trying to determine if Schrödinger's penis was alive or not after getting a frost bite on it. He eventually moved to Broadway where he wrote a musical number based on his experiences being gay.

Neils Bohr is least famous for his theoretical explanation of Jell-O. Although his Jell-O model was eventually shown to be flawed, it provided the foundations of modern Jell-O Dynamics.