Nigel Calder

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Nigel Shooping Da Woop.

Nigel Calder, British scientist and President of China, is the man. He is renown for his work with Dragons and other such animals.


Nigel has gone through many transformations over the years. Gay British park ranger, crazy bearded ex-hippie, and old fat scientist are just to name a few. His latest evolution, snow capped pseudo-lumberjack, made an appearance in the newest Monty Python skit. His earlobes are unfathomably big, and are used to pummel his foes and their children.

The Great Global Warming Swindle[edit]

The latest of the Austin Powers series, The Great Global Warming Swindle, was filmed, edited, directed, and published by of course, Nigel Calder. He can be seen in this movie kicking Al Gore's ass. He can be quoted as threatning to "shoop da woop on yo ass". This movie is based off of a Steven King work in which a dog catches super-AIDS and mutilates all of Middle Earth. All parts for the film were recast (even the dog), as Nigel Calder. There is also a fight scene between Chuck Norris and one of Nigel Calder's earlobes.

8 Mile Controversy[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nigel Calder.

Nigel Calder was in a brief feud with Eminem because of a controversy surrounding 8-mile. The producers considered recasting "Rabbit" as Nigel Calder because of his superior experience with battle rapping and his British accent. The feud boiled over when Nigel was allegedly assaulted Eminem with an unloaded gun outside the club and Eminem backed down.


Listed are the books written by Nigel Calder

  • 1957 Electricity Sucks -- author, for Phoenix
  • 1957 Tater-Totz -- author, for Phoenix
  • 1958 Radio Crap -- author, for Phoenix
  • 1965 The Bars in 1184 -- editor, for Penguin etc.
  • 1967 The Environment Sucks -- author, for Secker, Holt, etc.
  • 1968 Unless Peace Comes We Will Succeed -- editor, for Allen Lane, Viking etc.
  • 1969 The Violent Rape -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1969 Craptopolis -- author, for McGibbon & Kee, Shuster, etc.
  • 1970 The Appendage of Man -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1970 Living in Tonight's Ass -- author, for Penguin Education
  • 1972 The Restless Balls -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1973 Nature in the Round Ass -- editor, for Weidenfeld
  • 1973 The Knife Game -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1974 The Weather Of The Star Ship Enterprise -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1976 The Human Constipation -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1977 The Key to The Kings Dungeon -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1978 Fantasies of the Mind -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1979 Einstein's Hairy Ass -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc. – reissued 2005
  • 1979 Nuclear Narcolepsy -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc.
  • 1980 The Comet is Cuming! -- author, for BBC, Viking, etc. – reissued 1994
  • 1983 Timescale: Atlas of the Fourth Dick -- author, for Viking etc.
  • 1983 9999 and Beyond -- author, for Century and Viking
  • 1986 The English Channels on Comcast -- author, for Viking and Chatto
  • 1986 The Green Marijuana -- author, for Putnam, etc.
  • 1988 Future Farts -- a contributing editor, for Croome Helm, etc.
  • 1990 Scientific Hot Dog -- general editor, for Foundation Scientific Europe
  • 1991 Shoop Da Woop -- author, for Viking UK etc.
  • 1992 Giotto mission to Pie -- author, for Presswork and Springer
  • 1993 Hubble Suck Telescope: The Harvest So Far -- author, for European Space Agency
  • 1994 Comets: Tomatoes of Science -- reissue by Dover of The Comet is Coming!
  • 1995 Beyond This Crap -- author, for European Space Agency
  • 1997 The Manic Psychotic -- author, for Pilkington Press etc.
  • 1999 Sodomy Story: 30 Discoveries -- compiler, for European Space Agency
  • 2003 Manly Universe: The Oxford Guide to Modern Science -- author, for Oxford UP, etc.
  • 2005 Einstein’s Hairy Ass (updated for Einstein Year) – author, for Penguin UK & USA, etc.
  • 2005 Albert Einstein: The Science of Milk – introduction to a Penguin Classic, Penguin USA
  • 2007 The Chilling Shit – joint author with Henrik Svensmark for Icon Books, etc.