Nintendo DS

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
The Donkey Kong Special Edition Nintendo DS

Nintendo DS stands for a plethora of things. It is primarily used to pay out Darragh. "Nintendos Damn Sexy", "Nintendo's Dog Stench", "Nintendo Double-Screwy", "Nintendo's Drop-dead Sexy", "Nintendo Doggy Sex", "Nintendo Doggy Style", "Nintendo Dog Sex", or even the rarely used "Brett". It was created to surpass the PSP (and succeded) as the most FUCKING AWESOME THING EVER. Using this hand-held will literally cause your head to asplode out of the amazingness alone.

An Idea is Born[edit]

Previously known as the Nintendo BS, the Nintendo DS is a watered down version of the previous model to avoid harmful radioactive effects from the Nintendo BS. When Sony showed their PSP at the E3-show in Brussel's Sprouts, Nintendo began production immediately. They were not going to let Sony out shitty them again.

The DS was released in December of 2005, just after the release of the most popular Nintendo hand-held, the Gameboy Micro. Of course, the DS didn't come along without controversy. Initial reviews criticized the fact that you need 3 hands in order to properly play a vast majority of the games available for the DS. People realized they needed to evolve more fully to grow a good enough hand to be able to handle this level of amazing. However over time people were too lazy to evolve, and instead began to find that not being able to beat the tutorial level of all their games due to lack of third hand and Sony indused stupidity quite entertaining.

Features[edit]

Despite the shittiness of the DS, it was the most profitable hand-held ever designed.

Its clamshell case is made of Nintendium Alloy, a low-density plastic compound that is impervious to most damage, and an AT (Absolute Triforce) Field generated from the GBA cartridge inside. This field uses the soul of the GBA to protect the DS from damage that would destroy a normal handheld, like the negative energy wave produced upon the 2005 launch of the Xbox 360 (see Xbox 360 Launch). It also holds a hidden stylus which is both laser cannon and plasma projecting blade, a thumbstrap tether for detaining enemy handhelds and power cartridge based energy shield.

It also features 2 screens, more than Sony could handle.

Some people questioned whether the DS's popular Nintendogs title was suitable for children.

Pictochat[edit]

The DS comes with software called Pictochat automatically built in, which was originally designed to allow DS fans to chat with each other using images drawn by the users. However over time it has just become a means for children to send other children poorly drawn pictures of penises.

Titles[edit]

Some people really questioned whether Nintendogs was suitable for children.

The DS has a wide-range of games carefully copied from the Nintendo 64, including classics such as Mario 64, Kirby 64, and Mario Kart 64, slightly renamed for the newer game system. The titles became Mario 64 2: Mario 128, Kirby and the Magic Mirror, and Mario Kart DS respectively. N64 fans need not fear, nothing about the games was changed at all between the name changes. But you know what they say, at least Nintedo could come up with good games in the first place, more than Sony and Microsoft can say for themselves. A complete list of DS games was created here for uncyclopedia users only.

The Second Screen[edit]

The second screen is an almighty, original, and highly "amusing" feature on the DS. It took many years of development, using the brains of what Nintendo consider highly skilled software designers, and a massive amount of money, but it was worth it. The second screen displays the time, this is especailly useful as you will most likely be wearing a wristwatch or have a clock present in your room. Not only does it display the time, but it also gives you the helpful privilege of being able to look at a map, even though you can use a map on the first screen, what a good feature!

Other Versions[edit]

Once you play enough games on the DS, it will reach level 36 and evolve into the DS Lite. This upgraded model has unique features such as being as heavy, if not heavier, than the original DS and becoming surrounded by sharp corners useful for maiming. It's key feauture is being colored the color of a black hole, causing it to suck in all light and some matter. This is useful for sneaking it into classrooms and playing it, as teachers will usually beleive it is one of their own.

By breeding the light with an iPod, you will get an egg that hatches into a DSi. It is a horrible fusion of iPod, DS, Camera, Internet, Cloning Device, Sandpaper] and vibrator. It can do anything to the internet except access it. Since it has no GBA inside of it, Super Soaker type attacks will now be super effective. It comes in both Apocalypse and Meth colors.