No Immigrant Left Behind

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Bienvenidos Amigos!

In light of the struggles and challenges faced by illegal immigrants the President through the Department of Labor is announcing a new plan to empower illegal immigrants towards success in their new homeland. The President's initiative, “No Illegal Immigrant Left Behind,” will provide be an estimated 20,000,000 illegal immigrants everything they need to be successful in America and become millions of “points of light.” The “No Illegal Immigrant Left Behind” program will consist of the following:

  1. A system of immigration full of fraud and abuse that through its bureaucratic inefficiencies and incompetence allows millions of illegal immigrants to easily sneak into the United States. As an added bonus, deserving immigrants with skills that could benefit the American economy and that follow the law will be buried in paperwork and denied legal entry for years.
  2. Once in the US, illegal immigrants will easily be able to obtain false documents that allow them to work, enroll their offspring anchor babies in school, own and transfer real and personal property, vote, receive public assistance, and obtain discounted or free medical care...all at the expense of the legal American taxpayer.
  3. Incentives will be provided to employers to hire illegal immigrants. Employers will be allowed to ignore immigration laws, disregard employment verification checks, pay less than prevailing wages, and provide absolutely no benefits to illegal immigrants.
  4. Children of illegal immigrants will be provided free education and cannot be held back or required to learn English. College tuition will be at the highly less expensive in-state rate and tuition assistance programs must be made available to them.
  5. Illegal immigrants will not be required to pay taxes as many employers prefer to pay wages “under the table” and “in cash.” Additionally, “out of country” tax-free transfers of money can be sent home as often as you like without government interference. Note: This privilege is specifically not available to U.S. citizens as it is considered tax evasion or money laundering.
  6. Illegal immigrants will not be required to register for the selective service (draft) system as American citizens are required to do.

These and many other benefits await you in America.

“Vienen los amigos a América, y ¡Que te den!”