“stfu u fscking nob!!!!11”
“no u stfu ur the nub not me”
A Nob, or nub (plural nobz/nubz), is someone who posts in forums and talks in chat rooms with generally poor grammar and spelling, and is often considered a nuisance by most internet users. They are often heckled for their total lack of meaningful contribution and are most often associated with bigotry, rudeness, and more often than not below average IQs. This article will help teach you many different ways to identify and deal with nobz.
Nobz vs. Noobs, the Theoretical Fundamentals
All too often, people confuse nobz with noobs (or n00bs). Both are described thoroughly here, giving a basic guideline for differentiation.
Noobs A noob is an annoying new member of a community who constantly pesters veterans with ridiculous questions which cannot be answered, or have obvious answers, and often gets killed in MMORPGs repeatedly, resulting in frustration, which is once again taken out on the innocent veterans. All new members who do not fall under the category of newbs (legitimate new members) are tagged as noobs. Whether a new member becomes a newb or a noob depends entirely on personality. Noobs often demand help from veterans and show little or no gratitude. They can be rude, and are always annoying. Being a noob has nothing to do with intelligence, as many noobs eventually move on to become normal members. A noob can be thought of as a 16 year old driver who just got a driver's license, and naively feels as competent as an experienced driver. Most noobs use AIM speak for most things they type online.
Nobz The bane of the internet, a nob is someone who constantly spams forums and chat rooms with almost incomprehensibly horrible grammar and spelling, and seems blissfully ignorant of this. Nobz often think they are just as good or better than everyone else, and can get very defensive. They often say rude and racist things because they think it is funny, and as a result, end up getting banned from forum after forum. Their most mimicked trait is their poor typing, which is often satirized throughout the internet. Nobz do not accept criticism as they are always right, and they may have a facade of niceness, but when agitated they snap like a crocodile, typing very unintelligently assembled strings of characters in an attempt to regain a feeling of superiority. They almost always have very low IQs, and should in all likelihood not be using the internet in the first place. In rare cases, a person of decent intelligence may be a nob if he is either too lazy to care at all about what he types, or under the horribly disfigured impression that it is "cool" or "normal" to type horribly. A nob can be thought of as an 18 year old driver who has failed the driving test 8 times and is driving illegally, and naively fails to consider his own competence. Nobz use what can only be described as abbreviated, mangled, and mistyped AIM speak for everything they type online.
Nobz vs. Noobs, the Practical Fundamentals
Here are some examples of commonly used phrases that are used quoted by nobz and noobs, giving a more clear cut and realistic differentiation.
- "hi wats up?"
- "plz giv me free gold i am new"
- "hey u wanna be friends?"
- "hi guys im new so pleez help me out"
- "wtf i died! u said that guy was easy to fight"
- "omg rlly?"
- "o hai wutz up lolol"
- "givz m3h fre godl pl0x0rz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111"
- "ad em 2 j00 frenz lits i alroddy add u lololol xd"
- "hai giyz im n00 so p0xxxx hpel me ot"
- "zomfgwtf i dyde!!!!!111111 u sed that gy wuz ez 2 fite!!!11 fsk u u @$$h013!!!!!111oneone!!11"
- "ya rite fagit stfu bicth i r not [email protected]@3#(&*%@53"
- "j00 r t3h 00bern0rbc4k3z0rz g0 h03m plwkz"
- "i r kan kil j00 j00 dun hab n0 g0ld n000000000b"
So You Think You've Spotted a Nob
Well, after the above descriptions of nobz, you should have a pretty clear idea of what they are, and will probably jump to conclusions thinking someone is a nob. That is exactly what you are supposed to do, but before you make any accusations you must first ask yourself a few questions to make sure the individual in question is a nob. If the answer to any of the following questions is "Yes," the subject in question is not a nob.
- Has this person ever said anything intelligent, profound, or thought provoking?
- Has this person contributed anything useful to the internet that you know of?
- Does this person have a good sense of humor?
- Could this person show their mother any of the things they write on forums without her shedding tears of shame?
How to Deal with Nobz
So you have confirmed someone is a nob. Now depending on the situation and your personal taste, you can proceed in several different ways, which will be explained here.
If you are on a forum...
If you see a nob on a purposeful forum (not a spam forum), and you are a mod, IP ban him imediately. If he comes back on another IP, you can use the first IP to track him down and beet him up. if he persists kill him. remember nobz dont have brains so they dont have feelings either so treat them however you want. im a huge fan of water bording myself but try not to kil tehm befor u get a chans 2 rip of theyre repredusive orgins because taat is hao u r supozed to deel with peopl who ar insulint and dont understadn that wat they do has consekwensis and thay wats every1s time on tha intrent whit thare stpuiedetee + the r rode as frckng hel nd smutiemz tahyha azer s0o09 stpiosd an34 baiusd [email protected] tpiesign UUU caenst vene udernasjtbsd ghtme!!!!!!!!!!11111111111oneoneoneoneelevenradicalonehundredtwentyone