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- 521 - The Visigoths opt out of sacking Rome for the third time in a row, preferring to sit around in the dark and complain about how horrible life is while listening to whiny synthesized music.
- 1951 - General Jack Ripper becomes the first man to reject a blowjob in order to preserve the purity of his bodily fluids.
- 1993 - The state of Iowa closes for cleaning.
- 1985 - The People's Republic of Lasconia nuked off the map and subsequently wiped from everyone's memory.
- 1990 - The People of Australia celebrate as another person is borne. His name is Saxon Strauss and will soon take over the world and the Uncyclopedia company.
- 1996 - NASA launches the Mars Global Surveyor to search the universe for Mars Bars.
- 1995 - Baldness is now considered a disease, aswell as bad teeth and gingeritous.
- 1999 - President Bill Clinton, a native-born Canadian, celebrates his favorite Canadian holiday. Republicans feel left out.
- 2000 - Glace Bay is flooded by 100 feet of cold November rain
- 2005 - Kate Bush's first album in 27 years, the 27 disk set Antenna, released.
- 2006 - Stephen Fry suicide bombs the houses of parliament and the white house simultaneously. his last words where "Don't fuck with Shakespeare, He's watching you!"
- 2006 - The US Midterm Erections are marked by a series of negative political adverts and lots of Viagra. (Oops, did I say 'Viagra'? I meant 'pee pee medicine'.)
- 2007–Infinity - Gregorian calendar is rearranged into 13 months. Each month is now comprised of 4 weeks of 7 days. The extra month is placed between July and August and is called Fred. New Years Eve is discarded as a day “just to make it all work nicely”. As a result, each 364 day year has no ending and the space time continuum is tossed into an infinite loop. This minor oversight is rectified the day before our universe fades out of existence.
- 2012 - Man becomes pregnant after blowjob.