A Nuclear attack is when all of the Abacus monkeys line up and urinate on the beans they push around. This is why most bombs are uranium bombs.
A nuclear attack is performed by the rare Arabian Orangutang. What happens is that high North Arabian command eats too many pistachios and gets hyped up on the hidden Crappen Crunch inside them. This orders them to purchase ridiculous amounts of Abacus monkeys as slaves to make the Uranium Bombs for them. When a uranium bomb lands, an entire squad of tap dancing bazookas grow from it and start farting money all over the place. At first, this may seem a blessing, but soon, inflation begins, and everyone becomes poor.
The last recorded nuclear attack happened in the Rise of 6090345112398571923467375982379687934617103 A.D. Arabian High Command had received a box of bazookas, which the pawned for pistachio nuts. As soon as they ate the pistachios, a rapid influx of Abacus monkeys arrived. There were one trillion uranium bombs made during this time period. Unfortunately, the Arabian Orangutangs found a side affect to nuclear attacks, Radioation.
Radiation is a side affect of nuclear attacks. Since all of the abacus monkeys get bored while peeing on the beans, they listen to music on the radio. So, in order to prevent revolt, the Arabian Orangutans go out and buy radios. Pretty soon, all of the sound waves coming from the radios make for a rapid increase of tourism to surf the waves. All of the excess excrement those lazy son of a *&^*(*&*& leave behind contribute to the making of uranium bombs. Pretty soon, the Abacus monkeys don't need to do any work. They grow fat and lazy and then take over all of the space in far North Arabia. A revolt happens for no good reason and a monkey ends up tripping over a box of bombs. All the radios are destroyed in the ensuing blast, and so are all of the tourists. The countries sue Far North Arabia and the monkeys are fired and the Arabian Orangutans have to pay all of their debts with pistachio nuts.
What to do in case of a nuclear attack
1 - Bend over 2 - spread butt cheeks. 4 - kiss your ass goodbye 5 - Note: the old "duck & cover" method is Commie lies.
Surviving After an Nuclear Attack
Surviving After an Nuclear Attack 1 - 7-11 clerk dead, free jerky and hot dogs 2 - Find shelter that you might like, NO SHACKS 3 - Find Twinkie factory 4 - Start to Re-populate world by finding survivors. List by:
A- Same gender B- Different gender
5 - Then kill all of the A-survivors to destroy competition 6 - You know what to do on B-survivors
P.S. However, homosexual A-class survivors can be left alive for entertainment purposes (Seeing as all circus animals will most definitely be dead)