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A German nudist in the shower. Also known as Rhine Maiden (sister to the rock star Iron Maiden).

A Nudist is an individual distinguished from the "common pervert" and "playing field streaker" through use of a different title. Usually found on special nudist beaches, the average nudist likes to meet with other like minded nudists or naturalists (NOT naturists) and carry on about their daily business with their wedding tackle on full show. 'I strip therefore - I am Nude' as the French daddy of all nudists Rene Descartes would say. (Although it is alleged that he was wearing a silk dashiki at the time.)

Becoming a nudist[edit]

A nudist with a snappy suit near him. Notice how he doesn't even notice!

Aside from discarding any kind of clothing, becoming a true nudist is harder than you think:

  • Studies have shown the average male nudist has over 312 liver spots around his body, this means that any budding nudist will have to work hard at growing old to blend in with the crowd.
  • Nudists have a ferocious appetite for chocolate sprinkles; cease contact with any friends or family if you find these in their cupboards. It is a popular misconception that nudists eat chocolate sprinkles, not so, they are in fact using them as an inhalant, whereby the chocolate is absorbed into the bloodstream quicker. This skill can only be learned with years of practice and tutoring from veteran nudists.
  • Nudists enjoy taking swims in the sea, where they intend to wrinkle their bodies even further. This is solely to disgust the public even more than they did when they first entered the water, for this reason the average person should avoid taking up nudism unless they have a total disregard for their own appearance and wellbeing.
  • Shaving is unheard of within the nudist community; they instead prefer the "natural" look, choosing to leave their armpit and erogenous zones overrun with a frenzy of hair. Aside from being un-aesthetically pleasing, this serves as a call to other nudists and the size of the growth is proportional to how highly held the nudist is within the community. When a nudist is disgraced and thrown from the group they are shaved so as they cannot re-enter the clan with a different beard or pubic arrangement for at least a year. In order to become a nudist yourself, pubic hair must be at least 5 inches in length in any place. Only through intensive chocolate sprinkle breathing can this kind of growth be achieved.
  • Removing your clothes around the house and not outside doesn't make you a nudist, you're just disgusting.
  • Nudists like soup also.

Other definitions of Nudist[edit]

1.Prostitute 2.Whore (female) 3.Bitch(female) 4.Porn star (almost always female) 5.Liberals 6.Communists 7.Dolphins 8.PETA activist 9.Europeans as they are anti-God. 10.Discordianism as they are pro-Goddess.

Symptoms of being a nudist[edit]

  • The tendency to take off your clothes at every possible opportunity
  • A conspicuous lack of clothes in your drawer.

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