Oak

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Oak is a common breed of bonsai tree and also the principal ingredient in the brewing of ales. It is the wood of oak trees that gives ale its distinct aley flavour and taste. It is also sometimes used for furniture, although this practice has nearly disappeared.

The mighty ale of oak.


Ales/spirits brewed using oak[edit]

Many popular ales and spirits use oak in their construction. The top 10 are as follows:

10. Oaken lager.

9. Oaken bitter.

8. Oaken vodka.

7. Oaken rum.

6. White lightning.

5. Oaken gin.

4. Oaken port.

3. Oaken cider.

2. Oak2O.

1. Hooch.

Cocktails that contain oak/an oaken beverage[edit]

As before, top ten, blah blah blah.

10. Long slow comfortable double-entendre against the wall.

9. Oaklet wallbanger.

8. Dog's cock.

7. Oakshot.

6. Falling horse.

5. Green love-child.

4. Suicide.

3. Long Island Frozen Oak.

2. Howling Fascist.

1. Oak Puncher.

Health risks with oaken drinks[edit]

Like all alcoholic drinks, there is a risk of brain damage and short term memory loss, but also, there is a risk of brain damage and short term memory loss, but also, there is another, possibly more potent, risk to any actors that drink oaken beverages, whether the beverage in question is alcoholic or not. Their acting will first become wooden, and painful to watch. They will then begin to suffer from inability to achieve an erection, if male. This is known, in professional circles, as oak wilt.

Habitat of the oak tree[edit]

The oak tree can be found all over the world, but particularly in Africa and North America. It comes in two distinct varieties:

  • Oakus Africanus, found in Africa
  • Oakus Nazius, found in North America, particularly in and around Washington D.C.

Oaky Doke[edit]

I personally believe he deserves more airtime. If not for me but for himself. His hour-long Christmas special back in '96 was a major confidence booster for him, but since then, he's spent the best part of ten years lying on his sofa drinking whiskey. His leaves are nearly over a meter long as he never shaves. He recently spoke of some girl he thought about marrying; as it turns out, he staggered past that girl in a pub five years ago, and she already told him she thought he was "creepy." We need to set up some sort of charity or something... for the little oak who persevered, despite society brushing him aside.

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