Obese piano

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“ Obese pianos are fat!”

~ Captain Obvious on Obese Pianos

“ What?”

~ Obese Piano on Obese Pianos

The Obese piano is a type of piano where the legs are not able to support the weight of the piano, causing the legs to warp outwards and the frame to warp downwards. In some extreme cases, the pedals are touching the ground. The sound made by playing an obese piano somewhat resembles a baritone, tuba, or other form of euphonium.

History[edit]

The obese piano originated in Germany in 1896 after a piano tuner fell into a piano while tuning, and was consumed. This change in diet resulted in negative health effects such as soft keys, loose strings, but most importantly obesity, and because human flesh when consumed by a piano gives an extreme feeling of euphoria and mild but pleasant hallucinations, the piano called out to all pianos in the area, and told them to do the same. This resulted in the 1896 piano obesity outbreak. Ever since, pianists around the world have been worried about another outbreak, because there is no vaccine, and once the piano is obese, it cannot get back in shape.

The obese piano call must be played in a special environment so that the call would not be heard elsewhere (The piano shown in this video has heard the call but has not yet consumed a tuner).[1]

Sound[edit]

Obese pianos do not sound like normal pianos. The difference between the sound of a normal piano and that of an obese piano is very distinguishable. Due to the loose strings, another side-effect of eating piano tuners, obese pianos produce a lower pitched, more euphonium-like sound. Though the sound is quite humorous, it is also deadly. The obese piano call has been known to cause human heart failure, and cause blindness in over 30 different types of birds. Playing the obese piano call is illegal in Bolivia, Bangladesh, and most of the European Union.

How to Spot an Obese Piano[edit]

Spotting[edit]

Obese pianos are very easy to spot. They have bent legs from supporting the extra weight, and the frame is bent downwards. Some have even been known to have pedals touching the floor. They can also have bloodstains on them from eating the tuner.

Catching[edit]

Should you see an obese piano, call your local military. The only way to destroy an obese piano is a big mac or a nuke. The only obese pianos in existence now are domesticated, and have had their strings removed to stop the spread. In Argentina, obese pianos are a protected species and cannot be harmed.