Official iPod Clone

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An iPod Clone is an honourable position taken by every single B-grade media player in the world, including pirated ones from China. It was once thought that cassette players, CD players, and even Game Boys were iPod Clones, but Bill Gates came to the rescue by suing Apple 8,324,251 times, which was counter-sued by Steve Jobs, thanks to yet another M$ clone. To be an iPod Clone, the following criteria would need to be followed:

  • Old grannies use Clone to listen to Elvis
  • Michael Jackson uses Clone to shove it in his crotch during his moonwalk rehersals
  • Your boyfriend uses Clone as a vibrator
  • Clone gets mistaken for a WMD
  • Thickness of Clone must be thicker than original iPod
  • Slogan for Clone must be lame and commercialized
  • Clone has a scroll-wheel lookalike on Clone, but is just an entry to your girlfriend's ass
  • Clone used only by hobos and this guy
  • Paris Hilton endorses/huffs Clone
  • Clone contains an abundant amount of features that the iPod doesn't have, but nobody cares...
  • Clone's company is an ally/slave of Micro$oft
  • Clone gets baptized by the RIAA
  • Have the company logo screwed on Clone
  • Give Clone a lame-o name that does not fit the blanks: "Yo, man, my ------ is da bomb!"
  • Have Steve Jobs sue Clone
  • Add the "i" as a prefix on Clone
  • Introduce Clone at CES, where nobody cares...
  • Make Clone available for Windows only, and only Windows, which is used only by your mom
  • Clone called "obselette" by, yup, this guy again
  • Cloned named "MP3 Player with FM Tuner & a bunch of lameness" by Best Buy, while the iPod is called "The Apple iPod, As Advertised on TV, in 1 Gazillion Terabytes"
  • Have Jack Bauer use Clone as an explosive[1]
  • Have Fergie and the Pussycat Dolls feature Clone on her music videos/softcore porn![2]
  • Clone gets mistaken for a geek toy
  • Clone is bought by nerds and rebellious anti-commerciallized hippies/communists
  • Gypsys and witches cook Clone with saffron and George W. Bush's poop to create a delicious delicacy
  • Clone called an "iPod killer" by CNET and gets killed by iPods[3]
  • Clone must be mutha-f***ing heavier than this mutha-f***ing plane-certified by that guy
  • Clone is a Christmas present for Santa Claus's naughty list kids[4]
  • Clone is created by Kim Jong-Il and his nuclear technicians in revenge for that ban of iPods
  • Plays open-source formats that hangs the Clone, 1 in every 0.1 times
  • Dateline NBC names Clone as "America's Top Child Predator"
  • Robert Ebert gives Clone a "two thumbs up my ass!"
  • Clone is referenced as a Clone, and always a Clone, unless its a piece of metal
  • Clone's value is less than a micro-inch of crack
  • Clone's company patented it[5]

However, only the iriver was the Official Clone, with its reign lasting for over 5 years. But the Zune has since taken that position.

  • 1. Grammophone, 15 Billion BC-5000BC
  • 2. Sony Walkman, 5000BC-2001AD
  • 3. Osama bin Laden, 2001
  • 4. Various iriver players, 2001-2006
  • 5. Zune, 2006-

See Also[edit]