Old Basing

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Old Basing is a small village near Basingstoke. It is very small and boring with little to do. There is one small and overpriced shop, a Chinese takeaway (because what self-respecting village doesn't?), a post office, no longer, this was shut down :) and ....... oh, thats it. All Hampshire residents are believed to be descended from a single common ancestor from the town.


The people of Old Basing are generally too rich and very posh. Because of this the rich peoples driving rules apply: A brief overview of the "Rich peoples driving rules":

  • The most expensive car has priority
  • If both cars are equally expensive the shiniest car has priority
  • Cars driving little Emily and Colin to their piano lessons will have priority over everything, including emergency vehicles.
  • If you have a really big expensive car you can park it out on the road in front of your house, just so that it gets in everybody elses way. Hey, your hated with a passion but everybody notices your car.
  • If you dare challenge these rules then you will be given a right sh*tty look and shouted at in a high, nasal, upper class voice.
  • If you cut through the village, expect to be glared out by locals, especially if you exceed 10mph. If you wish to use OUR village as a rat run, then sorry, you will be chased with fire and pitch forks, it's the village way!

As well as the separate driving rules for rich people there are the living rules which basically summed up mean that if you live in Old Basing you will have paid way too much for your house and therefore virtually rule the world and can do what you like when you like and if you don't like it you can phone their office, speak to their secretary and file a complaint.

If you move from Basingstoke to Old Basing, expect not to fit in, just move, that's right, back down the A30 to where you belong, "hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss."

There are however some good things still about Old Basing. Chavs and emos haven't really arrived. The young generation is particularly limited with most young people living in Chineham or Lychpit, two neighbouring villages.


  • The Chinese Takeaway
  • Oliver's Fish and Chips shop (mmmmmmm chips). Once voted the best fish and chip shops in the world.
  • Several pubs
  • The Rec, easily located just outside Thomas Holmes House, near the Bolton Arms.
  • The Mark Tubb-Tubb Establishment for Opera Singing and Performing Arts. (Lord Tubb-Tubb actually lives in Chineham, after receiving his title for his contribution to public speaking)


There are two village schools, one for infants and anothr for juniors. Both are funded by the church so you have to sing obligatory hymns. When you're done with these there are a choice of secondary schools to go on to:

Robert May's - where most of the Old Basing kids go because "it is a better school." This is not actually true, it is further away so you get to display your richness by splashing out on the bus fare. The grades are slightly better because they take children from professional families. I mean, what do you expect when Daddy is an accountant and Mummy is a doctor? They still have all the same problems as other secondary schools, just on a more expensive scale.

Harriet Costello / Costello Technology College - where all the rest go. A perfectly good school which happens to take a lot of children from the town estates. The grades are fine, teaching good, most survive. A world famous student to pass through Costello is Dan Bowman, he has earned a VC while serving his country in Vietnam. He earned the medal when his entire platoon was wiped out by monkeys armed with explosive coconuts and boomerang bananas, he then managed to give the big baboon leader of the 3rd Panzer Monkey Division (or Stalin as he was frequently referred to by his primate comrades) at big nuggie, then pedaloed his way back home, passing through enemy checkpoints under the name "Herr Bodman".

Private - Where all of the true Old Basing kids go with Mummy and Daddy paying £7,000 a year for you to be shipped off so that they only see you at holidays and on the odd weekend and you can wear a stupid uniform and get a "better standard of teaching"