Oliver North

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“They named North America after him”

~ Tamia

Oliver North was an American patriot who helped out the Iranians back when they were with us. But can you blame him? Those wacky Iranians are constantly flip-flopping. Anyhoo, Oliver North is now the best commentator on Fox News.

He served in the United States Marine Corps and actually went to battle in Vietnam. Back home from the war, he worked at the National Security Council, with occasional trips abroad. On one of those, Nicaraguan leader Manuel Noriega fell in love with him, and though North was not gay for him, he did not tell him, using the opportunity to gain intelligence on Contra activities. And that's the real reason gay liberals wanted his feet put to the fire.

When North tried to be elected junior senator for Virginia, the gay Mafia once again worked its fabulous magic against him, and he was defeated by Charles Robb.

A house where North used to live was purchased by CIA agent Stan Smith, who hoped to find North's gold. Before Smith moved in, Q came in and stole one of North's Marine Corps uniforms.