Oompa Loompa

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The lead singer of the Oompa Loompas, who wasn't shot and so isn't famous.

EAT SHIT EAT SHIT

Origins[edit]

Supposedly as in the movie willy wanka, willy says that the ompa-lompas oringinated in ompa-lompa land, this is not true.... their roots have been traced back to kim jong-il's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents who where related to a great behemoth named renfery. His great x13 grandmothers name was ngahuia and his great x13 grandfathers name was florian ... they have been secretly conecting with north-korea all there lives. WIlly wanka also lies about another thing, he says that he keeps the ompa-lompas strictly for helping him make his delicious chocolate, but hears the interesting part, willy wanka was recently arrested for drug trafficking and 20 ompa-lompas were sentenced to death for being his drug mules. Willy wonka denies all charges that he hired his ompa-lompas as drug mules but just recently failed a lie ditector test and will face court over the matter on 30/04/07. Ompa-lompas are now under law, a hunting item. Between September 24 and november 7 is now considered ompa-lompa hunting season. This is perfect for big game hunters because they now have something they can shoot that is slow (P.S. Ompa-lompas love salt lick and you can now purchase ompa-lompa call whistles from your trusted hunting retailer).

Here we go... Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo...

OOmmpa oompa will not shake your hand OOOMMPPPAA OOOMMMPAAAAAAA!!!

History[edit]

Originating in the terrible country of Loompaland, they left to work in Louisiana before being put on a new record label by mysterious philanthropist Willy Wonka, in a break from luring small children to see his 'huge factory'. Their career met with much applause, bieng descirbed by one Sir Winston Churchill as, "Like, far out, man." Their debut album ('I Have a Perfect Puzzle for You', Virgin Records, 1906) met with widespread critical acclaim.

Unfortunately, the recording deal turned sour after their second album ('If You Are Wise You'll Listen To ME!', Virgin Records, 22nd Oct. 4004 BC) panned before critics and the public, and they were forced to work punishing hours in the factory to re-earn all the money they'd blown. They remain hidden from public sight to this day.

For after their record deal was tuned-down the went into a deep depression, and soon turned to the unforgivable act of have plastic surgery in a similar style to Michael Jackson's plastic surgery. Soon after that Michael Jackson invited him around to his house... all 2 million... Some sources have stated that Micheal Jackson had order an extremely large bed into his manor that afternoon and large amount of wine... The oompa loomps exited MJ's house later that week looking extremely depresed and hung-over and then said that they were all about to comit suicide before Willy Wonka stoped them and fed them large amounts of an unknown drugs (Willy Wonka later claimed they were "nerds" but scientist found that nerds are acually Oompa Loompa shit and Willy Wonka probably fed them his own shit along with semen which would have a similar effect and are secretly meant to be the main ingredient in his chocolate.) Anyway on an extreme high caused by the "drugs" the Oompa Looompa's were forced to work in chinese-sweat-shop conditions. (When questioned later Willy Wonka clamied that the Oompa Loompas "prefered" to work and eat their ham and cheese rolls in those conditions.)

We do not know what has happened to Oompa Loompa's but occasionally when Micheal Jackson is tried for child moletring sources say that they can hear millions of little voices shouting and screaming... OOMPA LOOMPA'S and CHEESE ROLLS... FOREVER!

"I like ham and cheese rolls!" is a common saying amongst the Oompa Loompa's, as they get paid in ham and cheese rolls(and SHIT), because they are small and cannot reach a counter to purchase goods, nor can they reach the atm slot to withdraw cash therefore they must live off ham and cheese rolls. This can cause some to get diseases such as cancer and ham-and-cheese-overdose. They keep their ham and cheese rolls in their 'wallets' which are really big suitcases and not wallets at all. They like Oscar Wilde a lot and one day want to be his son.

In the latest update there has been a riot at the factory and the supposed cause is that the Oompa Loompas are demanding cheese rolls WITH ham ON THEM!

Etymology[edit]

The band's name is from the original Loompaland dialect and was hence written in caterpillar paste in the original. It can be written in English as Umpa Lumpa, Oompa Lumpa, Umpa Loompa or Oompa Loompa, the last being the official preference. The name derives from "Oompa" meaning "huge" and "Loompa" meaning "wang", and is an ancient Loompaland term of respect for an elder.

Trial[edit]

Shocking Details Reveal How Diminutive Orange Laborers Put the "Imp" In "Impropriety"

Reprinted with permission of its author, Scott Roeben of http://www.dribbleglass.com.

Authorities have stunned the world with lurid reports of a sweeping investigation into a sex scandal involving employees of renowned candy manufacturer Willy Wonka.

An 18-month investigation has resulted in numerous arrests, including the indictments of dozens of Oompa Loompas, the diminutive workers at the factory made famous in a well-known documentary film entitled, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

There have been sordid and almost unbelievable reports of a wide range of offenses, including pornographic films featuring Oompa Loompas, all-night orgies at the Wonka factory and other incidents of lewd behavior—at least one involving a taffy-pulling machine and what investigators are calling "inappropriate relations with a golden goose."

"Those Oompa Loompas are anything but cute and cuddly," said Lt. Irving Lügner, lead investigator. "You don’t even want to know what those little perverts have done in that chocolate river."

Officials have released a number of incriminating photos, allegedly featuring Oompa Loompas in compromising positions in various locations throughout the Wonka factory.

"Let’s say this entire affair took many of us by surprise," said one local official, who wished to remain anonymous. "These aren’t the people you would expect to be involved in a sex scandal, like evangelists or professional athletes. No, some people held these Loompas in very high regard. Especially the kids."

Also under investigation is the notoriously reclusive head of the Wonka organization, Willy Wonka. The enigmatic Wonka, and his legal representatives, not surprisingly, have refused to comment on the investigation.

"That Wanka guy—we should have known," said one detective close to the investigation. "The signs were all there. I’ve been working vice for twenty years, and let’s just say you don’t often find a guy with a purple coat and comb-over who isn’t the head of a sex ring. The man’s name is Willy for crying out loud."

Now that the scandal has broken, many citizens are echoing that sentiment, vocally criticizing law enforcement authorities for actions many feel are too little too late. Shouldn’t someone have known?

Some cite the fact that the aforementioned documentary, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, contained any number of "red flags" which should have tipped officials off to the carnal depravity alleged to have thrived within the walls of the secretive Wonka factory.

The documentary follows a young boy, Charlie Bucket, as he participates in a highly suspect "lottery" to gain access to the Wonka factory. Other children are also lured to the Wonka factory by promises of sweets. Once inside, children begin to disappear almost immediately. Their disappearances are never adequately explained, and ironically, the Oompa Loompas now at the center of all the controversy have the audacity to sing after each child disappears. If it did not exist on film, it would almost be too shocking to believe.

Critics charge that signs of impropriety at the Wonka factory—many alluding to sexual acts and substance abuse—are littered throughout the gritty documentary. Detractors set forth the following lines, gleaned from a transcript of the film, as being particularly incriminating:

Bill (candy store owner): "Hey, take it easy. You'll get a stomachache if you swallow it like that."

Mr. Turkentine (Charlie’s teacher): "Come and give me a hand."

Grandma Josephine: "I did the end pieces with the little tassels."

Charlie: "Here, everybody have a bite."

Willy Wonka: "I'm so glad you could come."

Mr. Salt: "Is this a trick or something, Wonka?"

Willy Wonka: "What an adorable little boy you have."

Willy Wonka: "And as soon as your outer vestments are in hand, we'll begin."

Mrs. Teevee: "Somebody's touching me."


It's hot and creamy. I can actually feel it running down my throat!

Violet Beauregarde

Charlie: "Quick, Augustus, grab this!"

Grandpa Joe: "Oh, looks good enough to eat."

Wonka: "Suck 'em and you can spit in seven different colors."

Mr. Salt: "Nuts."

Mr. Salt: "Hang on, darling! Just close your eyes and hang on tight!"

Mr. Salt: "Shouldn't you be wearing rubber gloves?"

Wonka: "You can suck 'em and suck 'em and suck 'em, and they'll never get any smaller."

Grandpa Joe: "We're really high now!"

Violet Beauregarde: "It's hot and creamy. I can actually feel it running down my throat!"

Wonka: "Oh, well, I'll get it right in the end."

Veruca Salt: "I want a ball."

Veruca Salt: "Give it to me."


Well, fortunately small boys are springy and elastic.

Willy Wonka

Mr. Salt: "Hold on! Veruca, sweetheart, Daddy's coming!"

Mike: "It's getting in my eye!"

Mrs. Teevee: "I'm soaked—it'll never come out!"

Charlie: "Let's do it again, Mr. Wonka."

Mrs. Teevee: "Oh, my dress, my hair, my face! I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka!"

Wonka: "Here it comes. There it is. Take it."

Wonka: "Taste it—it's delicious. It's just gotten smaller, that's all."

Mrs. Teevee: "Mike, get away from that thing!"

Wonka: "Well, fortunately small boys are extremely springy and elastic."

Outraged parents and "little people" advocacy groups claim those seemingly innocuous lines were a clear indication that Wonka’s "world of pure imagination" was not so pure after all.

Even in the heat of public criticism, authorities continue their investigation.

"We’re shocked by the level of depravity we’ve unearthed," said Lt. Lügner. "A candy factory was the perfect cover. Let me just say that those folks at Hershey had better make sure their house is in order. Same goes for those M&M people. Listen, that’s just one letter away from S&M, and there’s no way this kind of thing is going to happen again. Not on my watch."


Self Explanatory.

Band Members[edit]

Possibly over 2,000,000. No one is quite sure because they all look exactly the same. This gives rise to a problem with respect to individual names. A few of the more notable Oompa Loompas include:

  • Ceacil the Spry Wonderfrog
  • Zombie Oompa Loompa (currently undead)
  • Mini-Me
  • Log-Cabin Republican Oompa Loompa
^This is the cover to their debut album, War on Terror, with Barney^

Appearance[edit]

The Ommpa Loompas are a strange bunch for looks including the in famous man bra with pom poms attatched to them. weh nthey originally burst on to the scene, they were all 6ft black man with hang bar moustache. However, when the second album came out, they had changed into 3ft orange men with green hair. Nobody truly knows how or why things changed, but some conspire that they had an unfortunate experimentations with plastic surgery.

Features[edit]

Species: Ompa-lompa Habbitat: Bustling citys, large towns and anywhere where theres no snozzle-goozlers Food Chain: Predator - The ompa-lompas are hunted by many, such as humans, snoggle-gozzlers, beanie-bangers, wig-waglers, fox in sox and sam I am. Prey - McDonalds Big Macs and Human sox at dry cleaners Abillities: Good at cock fighting and pussy fighting, can skateboard well and cook a mean green eggs and ham. Friends: Kim Jong-Il, Willy Wonka, North Korea, Fidel Castro and barney the dinosaur. Foes: Hillbillies, Fox in Sox, sam I am (and his mum), John Howard and the whole city of Hobart, Australia.

Discography[edit]

  • 'War on terror'
  • 'I Have a Perfect Puzzle for You', Virgin Records, 1906 AD
  • 'If You Are Wise You'll Listen To ME!', Virgin Records, 22nd Oct. 4004 BC
  • 'Cop Killaz', Death Row Records, 1992 AD
  • 'Toe Fungus: The Greatest Hits', Pen Island Records, 2007 AD

Accomplishments[edit]

Ompa-lompas arnt know really for doing anything special except for inventing the "you atacluly can raed tihs" puzzle.... not something to really be proud of. But there is one other thing that they are remembered for cockfighting. The OLCFAA (Ompa-lompa Cock Fighting Ascosiation of America) is world famous now. Fatty McChook is a world renound super star in the sport now with his trainer the world famous coach, urkel (yes, he is a ompa-lompa to). Together they travel the globe fighting every cock that challenges them that usually ends in tears for the owner of the cock who challenges them. The Ompa-lompas are soon saying they will reveloutionise cock fighting with a new species and make the OLPFAA (Ompa-Lompa Pussy Fighting Ascosiation of America) in which they battle the common house cat againt eachother. In the future they hope to also make a OLCPFAA (Ompa-Lompa Cock and Pussy fighting Ascociation of America).

Conspiracy theory[edit]

There is a theory that oompah loompas are really children from prvious tours of the factory that were turned into hideous mutants because of an extra demand for workers. also Oompah Loompas are actually midget Europeans who eat tea bags. Another thing is Mr maker made Jah into an Oompah loompa.