Operation Rescue

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After traumatically witnessing a precious little kitty stuck in the top of a majestic maple missing its dinner time, Mr. Terry turned Operation Fescue, a lawn care cult, into Operation Rescue, a group dedicated to getting kittens down from trees. Terry and his group travelled the country looking for gullible dopes with access to a fat checkbook, TV cameras, and kittens. He also coined the phrase "Won't someone think of the Kittens?"

His noble efforts have not gone without controversy: the kitten huffing allegations that have dogged him for years; and the child molestation charges he avoided by dumping his wife and marrying a 14 year old babysitter. He is also an accomplished musician. His virtuoso performances on the skin flute have led many prominent fans to proclaim him the "Pied Piper of Ham Ramming." Among those who have enjoyed his wood wind performances are George W. Bush and Pat Sajak.

Operation Fescue[edit]

A group dedicated to re-seeding lawns after drought-induced devastation. Its founders were Randall Terry and Scott McClellan. Its members travelled the country in box trucks looking for scrubby brown and weedy bird nests to lovingly remake into lush green carpets. Terry's wife in particular loved this work because she was a carpet muncher and was always looking for new rugs to chow down on. Their best known work was redoing Laura's Bush.

A lover's quarrel between the rabid psycho Terry and portly squatter McClellan, inventor of "Scott's Turd Builder," the tasty fertiliser/ice cream combo, led to a parting of the ways. McClellan went on to great fame and fortune as White House press secretary for George W. Bush, while Terry turned the group to alternative goals.