“In Soviet Russia, uh... hold on, give me a second. Can we start over?”
“On opposite days I rather play than eat.”
Opposite Day is not a day, certainly it is not every March 28 of every year, in which people are not supposed to talk coherently.
Opposite Day died on a remote part of Old York, forward in the 70s, when a group of responsible workers, pleased with their jobs, decided to amuse their boss. The premise was to avoid misunderstandings by talking with synonims.
Opposite Day is the day in which every given distinct value is the opposite of what it normally is. It is the only holiday that happens on no day of the year, for if it were to happen on that day, by its own definition, the opposite of opposite day would occur, making it a normal day. Some people use this to claim that every day is opposite day, but these people are clearly incorrect because the name of the day is Opposite Day not Days. Opposite Day was invented by Mark Twain, who noticed that, for some reason, on no day of the year was he in fact Mark Twain, but actually Oscar Wilde. Opposite Day is an official holiday in Afghanistan and is coincidentally falls on the same day as National Pet Memorial Day and National Chocolate Milkshake Day .
Controversy over When it occurs
The problem with Opposite Day is its paradoxical existence. As described above, Opposite Day cannot occur on any particular day, for on that day only, the opposite would be true: Opposite Day would occur on every day OTHER than that particular day. The controversy started with a recent scientific breakthrough, where groups of radical scientists proposed that on Opposite Day, if one would expect the situation to reverse causing Opposite Day to not occur on that day, then the opposite would happen, meaning Opposite Day would indeed take place on that day. However, critics state that one can just as easily expect Opposite Day to occur on a said date for these reasons, thereby not occurring.
The issues that are inherent in the notion of Opposite Day are innumerable. Strong believers in the ideas of Opposite Day, called Eunuchs, often hold the opposite of nonviolent protests over the controversy of Opposite Day (this controversy not existing on this alleged Opposite Day). The next day, when they are brought to charges for crimes such as rape, they plead innocent, claiming that they would never be able to bring themselves to forcibly impregnate a woman. Many people have suggested problems such as, "If you are alive you are dead, and if you are dead you are alive." But these problems are ultimately trivial compared to the profound consequences such as shirts being worn inside out.
Benefits of Opposite Day
Despite the problems that arise when one considers Opposite Day more thoroughly, there are benefits as well. Cancer patients, for example hope for opposite day. Homosexuals do as well, although the romantic issues that might arise from suddenly finding oneself gayhomo might lead Opposite Day to be, well... the opposite of Valentine's Day.