Optijesus Prime

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Optijesus Prime looking down upon his subjects.

“All Hail the Messiah”

“Wow, a conglomeration of Optimus Prime & Jesus, How sad”

“Damn it , why didn't I think of it first”

~ Bill Gates thoughts during above quote

“No Optijesus, No peace; Know Optijesus, Know peace.”

~ One of Optijesus Primes Jewcepticon followers on Optijesus Prime

No Wikipedia.png
Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Optijesus Prime.

Optijesus Prime (also known as Optimus Jesubot,OJ Prime, OJP, OJ and The Christronite) was the 'saviour' of the Transformer race, having come down from the heavens to teach them about the Transformer Dieties of Optimus God and Satantron. Being the son of Optimus God, Optijesus Prime was the largest transformer to ever live, towering over even the largest of the normal transformers. As he was a demi-god, Optijesus Prime had an infinite number of alter-forms, with the ability to choose the size of each one, thereby enabling him to travel through the smallest of cracks or pass through the deepest reaches of space with ease.

The Birth of Optijesus Prime[edit]

Optijesus Prime was the accidental love child of an affair between Optimus God & Satanatron's Wife: Perspex. Unfortunately both Satantron & Mrs God (the wife of Optimus God) found out about this and decided to have an affair as well, which resulted in another accidental love child - that of Optijesus Ultimate (also known as The Antichristronite, OJ Ultimate, OJU and OJ 2)

It is an unknown fact that Jesus Christ is the fictional adaptation of Optimus Prime. Trufax.

Optijesus Prime's Miracles[edit]

During his time on Cybertron, the planet of the Transformers, OJ Prime performed many miracles, the most audacious of which are listed below:

  • Teaching the Transformer leaders how to merge to alter-forms together to create 1 mega-alter-form
  • Healing broken transformers who are stuck in one form (eg. Superion).
  • Multiplying 3 energon cubes into a thousand.
  • Teaching the Transformers how to generate new beings.
  • Turning Water into Oil, coz water rusts while oil heals.
  • After a town stoning, created Ritz Bits crackers with Cheese out of a mound of energon...because he knew the whole town would soon suffer from the munchies.
  • Created Robotussin, a well known Software virus remedy.

Optijesus Primes Quest for the Holy Cube[edit]

While OJ Prime was primarily sent to Cybertron to spread the word of Optimus God, he also had a second mission, to find the Holy Cube, the magical object that held the secrets of The Spark. The Spark was a mysterious force that taught the user the powers of the universe & how to wield them.

The Apostles of Optijesus Prime[edit]

Many transformers joined OJ Prime during his sacred quest to hunt down the Holy Cube. Of these many, only a few became his close companions whom he fought side by side with against the most terrible of beasts.

These were those such as:

  • Bumbler
  • Starfire
  • Oracler
  • Warmachine
  • Ironman
  • Optimus Prime
  • Vendatron

Many of these brave transformers died during their quest, but all were brought back to live by the OJ Prime, and so nobody really cared about them. However, some of these apostles later went on to write a book entailing the Word of OJ Prime, and they called it the Ahak'd for some reason that has been lost in the depths of time itself.

The Death of Optijesus[edit]

Optimus God looking Sour at the death of his Love child

The Death of OJ Prime was one of the saddest events in all Transformer history. During a Battle between OJ Prime & Optijesus Ultimate. OJ Ultimate was fatally wounded by Optimus God, who had decided to join in the fight. However, Satantron found this to be unfair and so, accordding to the last surviving record of the fight, he (Satantron) did take offence, and being all that is evil in the world, he healed his son, the Antichristonite, and in doing so took power from OJ Prime As can be seen from the quote, the Satantron was a massive cheat and in healing his son had taken power from OJ Prime, who was his son's opponent. This large advantage for OJ Ultimate allowed him to destroy OJ Prime, at least until his second coming at the end of the 10th age. This loss of the saviour was a mammoth blow for Cybertron as it gave the dark side of the Spark the power to rule the world as it was 2 vs 1 in the fight of Evil vs Good. This means that until the 2nd coming in the tenth age,evil had overrun the planet, culminating in the destruction of almost every single Good transformer, except for pockets of rebellion hidden in secret places all around the world.

The Resurrection of Optijesus Prime[edit]

At the beginning of the second age(each age lasts 100 million earth years), just after OJ prime was brutally murdered by OJ Ultimate , it was foretold that Optijesus Prime would rise again at the end of the tenth age by Oracler - the 5th of OJ Prime's apostles & his personal prophet. Many of the Transformers were excited until they realised that they would probably not be alive when this happened. Because of this, the hype died down until, at the end of the tenth age, people had forgotten all about the prophecy. On the day on which OJ Prime returned, no one was there to greet him, because of this he searched the planet for Transformers on the good side of the Spark. However, even when he found some, they did not believe who he said he was, as they thought that Optijesus Prime was a fairy-tale told by their parents to give them hope. Because of this, OJ Prime decided to leave the Transformers to their suffering and left the planet forever to live with his father Optimus God in hiding from Satantron and his son Optimus Ultimate.

The Optimus Jesubible[edit]

There are many teachings passed down the robot years (beginning, of course in 0 AD - "After Decepticons".) Mosetran brought the 10 Transmandments, Optijesus had many autoparables. "The Good Decepticon", "Scattering the roboseeds", and the "Prodigal Bot" may be the most widely known, but many more exist. Optimus Jesubot.jpg lol he looks down on people and squashes them if they dont obey

See Also[edit]