Origins of civilization

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Civilization began somewhere between 15,000 to 6,000 years ago, all depending on which calendar God was using at the time of creation. Most scholars believe he was using the Gregorian Calendar(commonly known as the American Calendar), which would date the beginning of man to 6,506 years ago. As quoted in the Bible man was created in the first quarter of the first fiscal year, this brings in the paradox that man may have actually been created as early as October the previous year, meaning man would pre-date time itself.

The politically correct way to spell Origins.

Regardless, as far as cosmic events go, scientists agree that had it been a science fair, the creation of man would have been lucky to garnish a 3rd place. Despite mans sub par showing, they were determined to prove themselves to their yet undiscovered god by mastering the art of chutes and ladders (twister for kids with downs syndrome).

Early "Indiana Man"

White man, having been created in God's land somewhere in the agriculture rich American midwest(most likely Indiana) migrated across the land bridge between Russia and Alaska across Asia and into Europe. Here white man conquered and killed Neanderthal man, as they were an abomination unto the Lord. The reason for this migration is unclear, but it does show that America was actually the white mans land and that the tribes that inhabited it for the 5,000 years that we were gone were merely squatters.

Agricultural Revolution[edit]

Once in Europe, man conquered the plant, and the agricultural revolution begun. Years later the early philosopher Atkins had concluded that eating vegetables is for pussies, real men eat meat (and peppermint sticks), so as quickly as it had began the agricultural revolution had ended. Some tribal offshoots, known as vegans continued with the harvesting of crops, but it is highly regarded that vegans are not men at all, but a class of underdeveloped sub-humans on par with monkeys, homosexuals and Mexicans.

Early pictoglyphs known as "wingdings"

Language[edit]

When white man was in America, man spoke american. But as they traveled west across the world they came into contact with many foreign languages, without subtitles! White man tried to spread english, but many of the foreigners were too dumb to grasp the language. Though english is still spoken in America, many across the rest of the world speak some other gibberish, we'll call it esperanto.

Though early man had no system of writing, which is why God wrote the Bible, not man, they did have early pictographic symbols they used to convey meaning. Historians have found stones with strange symbols carved onto them, known as "wingdings". Though never interpreted, it does seem that they did predict the events of 9/11 with a pictoglyph of a plane running into what could either be two towers or two paper documents.

Early Art[edit]

Since mankind became self-aware it has created art. Since artists have been creating art poseurs have been pretending to. Poseurs have been around longer than humans (see: satan). The first artist is generally accepted to have been Barbara Streisand, who became famous for her abnormal nose and her ability to sing like a dying rabbit. Through intense discipline and training Barbara Streisand is immortal, is probably watching you right now, and has developed an insatiable addiction to kittens