Oxbow Lake

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A classical method used by Westminster School in London to increase penetration of Oxbow Lake. The boy was found thinking independently during lesson time.

“I had Oxbow Lake every day as a kid, it never did me no harm.”

Oxbow Lake is the government codename for a gratuitous torture technique devised by the British government in the 1960's to suck the life out of the young of the United Kingdom. To this day British children have all the fun squashed out of them by trained Government cloners, now known as Geography Teachers.


In many leading British Public Schools, students are subjected to vicious amounts of Oxbow Lake to further eradicate any individual personality or independent thought. Significant proponents of this technique include Eton, Westminster and Harrow. Prince William and his brother Prince Harry were both treated with Oxbow Lake and turned out fine, honest.

The Oxbow Lake treatment is essential to any Briton to get a job, run for Parliament, or not get raped. Renegades who fight the system are continually fucked over by the men in black until they leave and give their job to some Pole.

Side Effects[edit]

This image is often found burnt into the retinas of Oxbow Lake victims.

The method is however controversial. It is known to occasionally backfire spectacularly - the band the Pis Sextols has often been attributed to Oxbow Lake. Their classic album Never Mind the Bolloxbow Lake is an obvious reference to their ordeal.

Hundreds of young men are admitted to hospitals daily, complaining of a hampering or complete loss of sight. A strange, mystical shape is often found, and is believed to be due to the Oxbow Lake. However this is deliberately left ambiguous by the suits - they can't have kids thinking independently! They might go outside and play football, or worse still buy a Killing Joke LP. Heaven forbid. Britain needs brainwashed imbeciles, damn it. Oxbow Lake has worked for years and years, why change now? It's what made Britain great, you know.


Biggleswade footballer, world blazing champion and stonewall advocate of Oxbow Lake treatment, Johnny Whyddle.

There was controversy when Biggleswade footballer Johnny Whyddle was found at his mansion in Luton with three young Etonian boys, all heavily hypnotised by Oxbow Lake. The boys were being forced to do menial Latin Declension for Whyddle's sick amusement. Local roughs broke into the house and freed the lads.

Whyddle screamed foul, and was quoted by a sunday newspaper:

“Today they're turning against Oxbow Lake, tomorrow they'll be freeing the slaves!”

~ Johnny Whyddle

Strangely, the government took no action other than arranging for Whyddle to be knighted in the New Years' Honours List by his majesty Tony I.