PC Plod

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Preparing to go walking with Fall Out Boy

PC Plod stands for Politically Correct Plod. This is the walking pace assumed when on an activity involving people who are vertically challenged or otherwise disabled; it is slow and laboured so as not to offend them.

Governmental Guidelines[edit]

  • During an activity involving motion, action must be taken to ensure that any participants with a reduced facility for said motion, are not the victims of emotional distress.
  • This action should be discrete and in the form of a generally reduced motion of the group.
  • With this in mind, able bodied group members should reduce the speed of their movements to fall in line with the speed of the less fortunate among them.
  • So as not to offend the unfortunate no public verbal reminders should be given. Any persons requiring a quiet reminder should be told so in a separate environment, away from public knowledge.
  • If this occurs two responsible elders should be present as to prevent the possibility of any physical/sexual abuse occurring.
  • Adults may wish to further protect themselves by secretly recording the proceedings.
  • Any recorded materials must be safely and securely stored in a fireproof case for 10 years, should the issue come to court at a later date.

Recommendations: -It is recommended that persons leading an activity involving challenged individuals notify all other members before the event takes place in the form of a discrete postal message.

(For more information please see volume 5, page 42, paragraph 4, amendment 7.)

Enacting A PC Plod[edit]

There are three basic considerations required to enact an effective plod, stance, pace and props. These variables must be carefully balanced to create an effective,..effect.

Stance[edit]

The stance naturally differs depending upon the exact disability being mimicked. For persons who are challenged vertically a standard stoop will often suffice. Persons with a psychological ailment often require a more slanted and haphazard stance, leering wildly and gazing fixedly just above the horizon can often supplement this effect. In more unusual cases detailed research is vital; it's all about being one step ahead of the game.

Plan for contingencies: When was the last time you practiced fitting? Don't be caught off guard.

Pace[edit]

Pace varies greatly depending upon the terrain. Motorised wheelchairs do not handle well in swampy environments; make sure you can suitably flounder. Hilly terrain will naturally call for a reduced pace, and small streams can no longer simply be leapt. However do not assume that your pace will always be reduced; electric wheel chairs have been known to travel astonishingly quickly down sets of concrete stairs.

Remember your stance! Have your falling pose ready!

Props[edit]

Having a large store of props available is vital for group situations. Thankfully low staffing levels, and the expense of maintaining a functioning CCTV system mean that most public hospitals are the easiest place to pick up equipment. It is not uncommon to find wheelchairs abandoned in the car parks. Be vigilant and stay alert. Many props can be improvised using common household items, be creative.

While the Doctors are distracted make your move.

Conclusion[edit]

Remember a little time, effort and occasional pain on the behalf of the members of your group, can prevent great emotional hardship for the challenged individual in question. Do not take your duties lightly you have a responsibility. Don’t try too hard, an effective PC Plod should be subtle. Indeed it is vitally important that the individual in question does not feel patronised by your actions.

See also[edit]