Pannts is short for People Against the Not Nice Treatment of Stuff. Pannts can represent individual people against the not nice treatment of stuff as well as the organization of the same name. Pannts are personally responsible for the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments, the Civil Rights Movement, Peta, Greenpeace, and anything else that promotes treating stuff nicely.
How Pannts Came to Be
Pannts started promoting the nice treatment of stuff sometime in the Stone Age. A caveman named Boog is credited with being the first Person against the not nice treatment of stuff when he protested the killing of mammoths for food. Various writings found on cave walls in Africa reveal a debate between Boog and his neighbor, Foog, over killing mammoths. After being translated into English, the writing was revealed to be the following:
Boog: No kill mammoth. It no nice.
Foog: Wot? Me no hear you!
Both: Ahhhhhhhh! (Screams of agony as they're crushed by the mammoth)
After the tragic death of Boog and Foog, many other cavemen followed in Boog's footsteps. Other cavemen living in Boog's cave village began to protest the killing of animals for food, leading to a cease in hunting. As a result, everyone in the village died. However, other cavemen realized there was a way to stop killing animals without starving to death, vegetarianism. The cavemen in the next village over began to eat weeds and tree branches instead of meat, and the village, originally called Moogsville, was renamed Tastelesstown due to the vegetables having little flavor. The invention of butter and various spices by some of the cavemen in the village made the food taste better, and the name was changed once again, this time to Stillnotastastyasmeatbutmuchbetterthanbeforeburg. Feeling that no animal should be killed for food, cavemen missionaries travelled to other cavemen villages to convert people to the ways of the vegetarian. Soon, cavemen everywhere were treating stuff nicely.
Although all Pannts agree that Boog was the greatest person against the not nice treatment of stuff, some other Pannts have gained fame more recently. Notable examples include:
- Pajama Pannts: A group of twelve Pannts who were arrested after stealing pajamas from a store in Kentucky to protest the store's No Refunds Policy.
- Parachute Pannts: Seven Pannts who broke into a parachute factory in China and stole cases of parachutes to protest the unjust working conditions of the people who whipped the factory workers to make them work harder.
- Dress Pannts: Various female Pannts who would only wear dresses because they felt skirts revealed women's undies.
- Sweat Pannts: Pannts who protested how sweatshops would not allow children under six to work because they felt this was age discrimination .
- Ants in my Pannts: Three Pannts who consumed live fire ants, because they felt that the way that the ants bite people is "not nice."
Recent Happenings in my Pannts
The Tokyo Few
In 2008, a few Pannts stole a case of whale meat from a delivery depot in Japan. The Pannts later said they stole the meat to protest the ill treatment of whale hunters. As one of the Pannts said, "The way whale hunters are treated is disgusting. Some whalers are paid minimum wage to kill gigantic animals. Do you realize how dangerous this task is. We must stand up for them, (the whale hunters) for they are definitely not being treated nicely." Greenpeace said they were missing the point.
In 2009, the organization Pannts became the first non-profit organization to be publicly traded on the stock market and thus make profits. However, that same year, the Company that Really Annoys People or CRAP for short declared a corporate takeover of Pannts in an event known as The CRAPing of the Pannts. Because people are easily annoyed by CRAP, Pannts who were members of Pannts broke away from Pannts and formed a new group, Pannts. However, the new Pannts group became publicly traded that year, and the Pannts were CRAPed again.
In 2011, "Weird Al" Yankovic created a parody of Lady Gaga's song "Just Dance" about Pannts. He named the song "Just Pannts," and in the song, Al describes the actions of Pannts, including the Tokyo Few incident and the corporate takeover. The song was a hit, becoming Weird Al's most popular song and even becoming more popular than the original Lady Gaga song. The song was nominated for two Grammys, including Best Song and Best Lady Gaga Parody. His song "Perform this Way," parody of "Born this Way," was also nominated for Best Gaga Parody.