Paradise Valley Chemical

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Paradise Valley Chemical is a chemical plant in this small, insignificant suburban town in Arizona known as Paradise Valley. The plant is the only thing that puts this tiny town on the map. It is also a main source of the city's economy, and most of the adults in Paradise Valley work there. Otherwise they would have to steal their kid's jobs in the donut shops that sprinkle the city.

Their policy is "Progress at any cost", including stealing government secrets, developing experimantel chemicals, and testing it out on innocent, unknowing adolescents without their permission.

Current Products/Projects[edit]

Formula 161, the new miracle weight-loss drug. Discliamer: May cause superpowers in humans

The main moneymaker of PVC is just an acne cream, known as Ac-Not. But it's not just any acne cream, it's the most effective, quick-acting over-the-counter drug. Hordes of pizza-faced losers apply directly to their zits and they disappear before your eyes like a Houdini act. Since so many teens buy it before their school pictures (which would be embarassing, with or without zits) and college freshmen who need dates use it so frequently that PVC made tons of monies. The CEO is now buying golden limozines with that extra cash.

Their current project will blow Ac-Not out of the water. Formula 161 will be the greatest thing since sliced bread, says many people in PVC public relations. What it is supposed to do is very simple, so a fat, lazy shmoe can figure it out. Taking the appropriate dosage of Formula 161 will enable the ingester to lose weight without exercise and/or dieting. That's right, lazies. You can pig out all day on the sofa and not gain a single pound, fat or British. This is guaranteed by the people of the Food and Drug administration, there are no side effects, except the following that they were never told:

Side effects include: Allergies, cancer, belching bubbles, telekinesis, Lightning zapping, melting into a puddle of goo and changing back, and super strength.


Paradise Valley Chemical has some of the best people working on its staff, and no other chemical plants can match up, not even Dow Chemical Company.

Danielle Atron[edit]

Ms. Atron is the CEO of PVC and town hero of Paradise Valley. The local junior high school, Danielle Atron Junior High, is named after her. She is the kind of person that people want to be their boss, being pleasant to all the denizens of Paradise Valley. She's so happy, she can smile while calmly laying off her subordinates. Some people think she's unscrupulous and keeps up appearances, but that's just talk. Everyone knows that's not true.


File:Squashie Man.JPG Security is not in any way lax at PVC. The head of security is top-of-the-line. Vince Carter has been on our team for years, and always gets his jobs done with unorthodox, albeit effective plans. He is no longer employed due to a family emergency, but will always be honored as a PVC veteran.

Dave Watt had temporarily worked on security before returning to his previous job as the PVC truck driver. He is currently in hot water after crashing a truck full of GC-161 into a fire hydrant, causing a chemical spill next to Atron Junior High. He claims there was a kid splashed with it, but PVC denies this.

Science Guys[edit]

The science guys are the bread and butter of PVC. Without their hard work, mixing and brewing the chemicals, we wouldn't have air fresheners and Ac-Not or even Formula 161. They have been toiling away in their labs for three years working on studying and perfecting Formula 161, let's hope it comes out right. I want to pig out in front of the tube.

Honorable Science Guys include Gary Mick or whatever-his-name-is... yeah, George Mack and his daughter, the intern Annie Mack. Without Gary, Ac-Not would've never hit the shelves, and Annie's Formula-161 research proved invaluable, as if she saw the effects firsthand. You will get the best recognition PVC gives to Science Guys... A white, plastic plaque on your cubicle.


Dr. Klondike is a key member of the PVC public relations squad. He keeps away the many teens who believe in "giving a care" and "environmentalism", and the government regulations people that breathe down their necks. Of course, the smog is well below emission standards, the dumping is perfectly benign, and we will lay off all those blue-collar employees that eat sammiches and screw around by the hose (They are too blue-collar to use the water cooler like Danielle and the Science Guys) instead of doing their jobs.

Persistent people such as Nicole Wilson have been re-assured by Danni Atron herself that Dr. Klondike has been terminated for being incompetent, about nineteen times, in fact. That's a record. The truth is that Dr. Klondike won't be fired. Ms. Atron likes him and is secretly dating him (Gotta keep up the illusion of being single), so Klondike gets a free reimbursement package and will never leave the company until he formally resigns.

Other Divisions[edit]

The desert division of PVC. Note the lack of commuters.

Paradise Valley Chemical has branched off a building aside from its main headquarters in Paradise Valley. This one takes place in the nearby desert within biking distance of the town and keeps away aliens, too. Of course, any aliens they encounter are immediately covered up and are never reported, they just follow standard procedure by stealing the technology, draining the bodies of any valuable fluids, then incinerating the evidence. It has become a hot spot for any alien tourists that come there, a bus station is nearby.

Not too many people are needed to do its job, because they need to keep their illegal work on mutagenic chemicals away from the eyes of the FBI. No one commutes, they walk there, save for the guy who drives the red patrolling Humvee. There's someone to store chemicals in the basement, operate the zapping satellite dish, and be an alien translator, but not much else. The legit Science Guys all work in the main plant to show productivity to the trustees on the board.

The Rumor[edit]

There is a rumor in Paradise Valley that a kid was contaminated by the truck accident that occurred outside Atron Junior High on the first day of school. The driver, David Watt, was interrogated but he claims that he didn't get a good look at said kid, but no one believes him because he's a few chemicals short of a PVC-made product and the crash was due to his own gross incompetence.

Danielle Atron has done a great job of covering up the incident. She dismisses it to all the news crews and other public press as a "rumor that the town made up to add mystery to its name", and it's true, no one would care about Paradise Valley if it wasn't for the chemical plant. Some people know the truth, and they know enough that there is enough evidence that Vince Carter, former head of PVC security is trying everything to get him, even after he got sacked left due to a personal family emergency.

The kid has not been found yet, but if there was one the parents would've called the meds and feds, and they know what to look for in case there is one because of our GC-161 test results. Don't worry your little heads about it. No one is in any danger.

We do have a couple of suspicions on some kids, like that Annie Mack. She seems to fit the GC-161 kid bill. And that Louis Driscoll, how did he lift that heavy girder without GC-161 powers? Maybe it's a that kid, Raymond Alvarado... Alex Mack, you say? Nah, can't be.

External links[edit]

Paradise Valley Chemical's Website