Parappa the Rapper
“Oh yeah, I huffed kittens with that guy in the Viper Room. ”
Parappa the Rapper is small dog, born in the late 1400's who has the ability to bust rhymes phatter than Your Mom. He is also an incredibly skilled firefighter. This article is a brief, but comprehensive history of the life of this astoundingly talented individual, and a sombre reminder of his tragic death.
The Early years
Parappa the Rapper was born in Tokyo, on November 19th, 1997 to a poor family. At 16, he moved to the United States and got a job as a drug sniffer dog at an airport. He was 18 When he took his first bribe, which got him started on Coke. The world of drugs opened Parappas eyes up to the world.
Parappa was at a party when he heard one of the guests beatboxing. He walked over and rapped for a solid 20 minutes, and when he was finished, John Travolta walked over and told him that he had never seen such a brilliant display of freestyle. Travolta then offered Parappa some funding to record a demo, and introduced him to the world of Scientology. After taking part in one of the churches "Purifcation Rundowns", Parappa got clean and went into the studio.
Parappa started out his career with a catchy little number, featuring inspiring lyrics, such as "kick" "punch" and "It's all in the mind." Many people try to imitate Parappa's ryhmes, but none of those nigga's ain't got shit on the Real Mc'Coy, Y'heard?
During his blindingly successful world tour of the world, Parappa learned how to put out fires while rapping. He only gained this ability when there was a rival rapper, singing the exact same song right next to him, only not doing quite as good a job of it. His first album spawned the hits "Operating Thetan Level III (Biatch!)" and "Xenu is my Homeboy"
Parappas two albums, both eponymous, start out with absurdly simple rhymes, and progressively get faster and more complicated, making it much harder to
tap the buttons dance in time with the music.
Eventually, Parappa tried to get onto the Nintendo franchise, as he was a huge fan. However, they turned him down due to his coke addiction and could not have someone like that in their games. They already had a character like that named Pikachu. In response, Parappa stole 2 of Nintendo's game ideas, featuring characters named Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the dragon, and sold them to Playstation and they rewarded him with a contract for a game that was a huge success. Parappa's comment, "Whose laughing now, bitches?"
After touring non stop for the better part of his life, Parappa retired to his giant mansion in Mansionland, with his closest friends PJ Berry and Sunny Funny, and his Ho, Katy Kat. And most of his Nigga's. Except TuPac. Fuck TuPac.
Through his many fan club's, the most popular of which being the entire Church of Scientology, Parappa received absurd amounts of Fan-Mail requesting a comeback tour. Parappa's response was to slip into alcoholism, alienating all of his friends, and endangering his health.
During this period, Parappa checked into rehab a total of five times, each time under the false name of Trent Reznor.
Unable to get clean, Parappa became a recluse, shutting himself into his mansion. Not much is known about the last days of Parappa's life, but investigations suggest he died surrounded by huffed kittens and in a pool of his own vomit, in which he had scrawled the words "It's all in the mind... Fuck TuPac."
Parappa's life was that of a dog devoted to his art, but it serves as a stark reminder that although rap stars may enjoy success that makes them rich beyond belief, allowing them to live a life of excess until they are either shot in a drive by or they die because of substance abuse, it's not all smiles. Parappa's death brings the dangers of kitten huffing and scientology into sharp relief. His death serves as a warning to us all.
He met Lammy at a hotel and she gave him a link to her profile on some kinda message board. He went to youtube to get a fix of his "anime": http://www.youtube.com/TB1234