“Parasalalafolassas are for n00bs.”
Parasalalafolassas (plural Parasalalafolassaseses) is the name applied to any of a group of large salamanders with camel heads, beaks, shark fins or long bones on their heads, a dragon's body, hippo feet, and a dinosaur tail. The rest is fairly normal compared to other salamanders. This includes the color and the gestation period. Some Parasalalafolassaseses have ponytails instead of shark fins or bones on their heads.
Parasalalafolassaseses as n00bs
Parasalalafolassaseses are thought by men of science to be the n00bs of the Stone Age. Evidence shows that this must be true because it is posted on the Internet. The reason they were noobs is unknown. It has been theorized that the creatures simply want attention, which is a theory supported by skyhooks.
Like most other n00bs, Parasalalafolassaseses are quite capable of projecting a noise that is audible for a certain period of time, at the end of which deafness sets in for most individuals. For those with an "Ignore" button, the point of deafness can be delayed considerably and the individual will most likely have the chance to hear a second and possibly third Parasalalafolassas.
The Parasalalafolassas hatches from an egg, a round white object usually regretted by the mother the instant the mother sees it. Like most salamanders, the egg of the parasalallofolasses is designed so that the mother is unable to destroy it in any way. The baby Parasalalafolassas opens its eyes immediately and begins making a scene in an attempt to be noticed. The mother usually gives up mothering the clutch of six after a few minutes and the offspring are left to fend for themselves. This poor mothering could explain why the creatures have evolved such a self-centered lifestyle.
Once the Parasalalafolassas leaves the nest, it meets up with a brontosaurus or its new age cousin, the apatosaurus. If the young Parasalalafolassas does not find this companion, it will not make it to the Great Valley and will therefore die of neglect. Many brontosauruses come later to realize they are in fact apatosauruses, which comes as a psychological blow to the immature Parasalalafolassas and can lead to death as well. Those that survive this psychological blow often suffer later on in life from an exponential form of multiple personality disorder. Clearly, teaming up with an apatosaurus that knows it is an apatosaurus has its advantages.
The brontosaurus or apatosaurus contributes a great deal of attention to the growing Parasalalafolassas. Without this undying attention, the n00biness of the Parasalalafolassas would have a stunted development and the creature would just be a salamander in its next life. Some of the responsibilities in devoting the Parasalalafolassas attention include but are not limited to:
- picking leaves for the Parasalalafolassas to eat
- looking at the Parasalalafolassas a lot
- pretending not to already be deaf
- not stepping on cracks
- helping the Parasalalafolassas find the Great Valley
After finding the Great Valley, the Parasalalafolassas parts with its brontosaurus or apatosaurus friend. At this point, it moves to the watering hole where it will always have someone to annoy. By annoying others constantly, the Parasalalafolassas holds onto its virginity for life. On one occasion a salamanderologist attempted to find out what would happen if a Parasalalafolassas's vocal chords were removed, and the Parasalalafolassas was attacked instantly by a sexual predator.
After laying its virgin eggs, the soon-to-be virgin mother Parasalalafolassas guards her eggs by begging for attention, which by the nature of her calls, she does not receive. Evolution has taken great care to ensure that these attention-beckoning calls receive none at all; otherwise, the eggs would be devoured immediately. Just about every creature alive would give anything for a Parasalalafolassas omelette if it weren't for that darn Parasalalafolassas mother advertising her need for attention.
Parasalalafolassaseses in popular culture
- In the virally popular game "Dinosaur", Parasalalafolassas is one of the dinosaurs you can act like only if you are a n00b. This is because there is a rule against Parasalalafolassaseses, but n00bs by definition break all rules. "Dinosaur" Parasalalafolassaseses can usually be found standing on volcanoes, breathing fire, flying, and saying "ROAR". Sometimes they also carry staple guns.
- Ducky in the Land Before Time is a Parasalalafolassas. So are her mother and siblings. This suggests someone has observed Parasalalafolassaseses having offspring. Some lizards have virgin births, and since Ducky's father did not appear in the documentary, it is possible Parasalalafolassaseses are virgin lizards.