Paris, Texas

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“Where's the Hilton

~ Tamia on Paris, Texas

Paris, Texas is the capital of the United States or France.


The city's mascot is the "Jacquelope", depicted at right.


Known for its picturesque population of inhabitants wearing 10-gallon berets and sidewalk cafés serving stale corn chips with hot cheeze-food-product, the city of Paris, Texas is a must visit if you have the misfortune to have to be in the United States or France anyway. Be sure to try a can of the local wine, or better yet, a six pack.

Paris, Texas; the Metropolis of the United States or France


The city's best known landmark is "the Eiffel Washington Tower Monument", a large useless phallic symbol thrust up in the center of the city, no doubt as some attempt to compensate for something.

Other famous monuments include the Lincoln Continental Memorial and the Tomb of Napoleon Dynamite's originality. As we all know the humor of Napoleon was taken by t-shirt companies. (See Vote For Pedro)

The Louversonian Museum is said to contain much great art and historical national treasures. Of course no one knows for sure, since the 5 hours a year it's supposedly open, the staff is on strike.


Paris, Texas is the centerpoint of "Tournedos Alley", a busy area of the United States or France frequently swept by Worcester Sauce. The city is bisected by the Monsieur Sippy River, dividing the city into the "Right Flank" and the "Left Flank". Both are insufferable. The most famous bridge across the river in the capital city is the "Pont Omic."


As the streets of Paris, Texas are crowded with Citroëns and longhorn steer, most locals commute on the city's subway system. The Subways are infected with gremlins, the famous "Metro-Gnomes". Some drivers will drive around in cars called "fiat pandas" these machines of poor quality and aesthetically pleasing features trundle along like tin cans on extacy.


The city was founded in the Bubonic Plaque Era by Charles de Great. The city was named after Paris Hilton, a legendary hotel from Ancient Greek mythology, and "Texas", actually a misspelling of "Taxes" a type of scam which governments use to get money. The street system was laid out by Pierre L'Enfant, or Pete the Infant, a toddler who scribbled up the city's first map with crayons.

The Great Fire destroyed most of the city in during the Powdered-Wig-Era. It was one of history's most notorious examples of cow arson. The city was then rebuilt; debate continues about this controversial action.

Unless it's gone, it's there still.