Parkinson disease

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
First diagnosed case

It is it not, that the...ilness...commonly known as Parkinson Disease, is a debilitating condition especially prevalent in those from a place somewhat north of the more southern climbs named Yorkshire. It was first diagnosed in British Talk-Show host Michael Parkinson, and is thus named after him.


In a sense...Diagnosing Parkinson disease has become much easier in recent years. Symptoms that there are, have been documented by doctors and, with the greatest respect, those that are knowledgeable in that particular area.


Of course...One of the easiest symptoms to spot in a sufferer, is their propensity...if I may say talk in long and directionless sentences in what one could call...a gruff northern accent. That's not to say that what is being said is without merit...just that...when all is said and could have been said... a whole lot quicker.


This problem is especially prevalent when a sufferer is introducing their spouse or friend to someone. Instances such as introducing a colleague to your wife at a Christmas Party, can often, it would be far to say, go something like this:

Now this woman is from fine Yorkshire stock, born there that she was, in 1946, just one year after Germany surrendered to the Allies in the Second World War. Growing up ,it’s fair to say she lived in a council house with her single mother Mildred in the marvellous city of Leeds. And from a young age..this lady dedicated much of her time to reading historical literature; a practice she is still very much…involved in…today.

From these humble beginnings, she didn’t lose her virginity until the age of 24, not so unusual back then, and she did so in the freezer department of one of the first branches of the supermarket Sainsbury’s, to a man named Peter, who was at the time, suffering from Gout.

This lady went on to work in the very supermarket where she was first penetrated, and became a much loved member of the team, once shaking hands with Lionel Blair, who came in for some Cheese. Lionel left disappointed because of a problem with the cooling equipment, but this women spent forty more years at her beloved convenience store. Recently retired, this girl has put her feet up and is enjoying having some time to herself. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to, the incomparable, slightly drunk, but very much still my wife. Fiona!'

Instead of simply saying:

Hi Jack, I don’t think you’ve met my wife Fiona.


It's understandable perhaps, or indeed perhaps it is not...that sufferers of Parkinson disease need to remind you constantly...that they're not from fact not even from England...but are from the wondrous place...that haven of good honest values...Yorkshire.

And of course it would most definitely not be sufficient to just mention this occasionally or reserve it for circumstances when someone asks you "What county are you from?", the county of origin of a Parkinson Disease victim, is constantly relayed in every nook and cranny of everyday conversation. Yorkshire...Yorkshire......Yorkshire.

Knee Touching[edit]

Parkinson disease suffers, unlike many others, have an uncontrollable, and some would say unnatural…I certainly wouldn’t…urge to place their hand on the knees of members of their fairer sex that they’re in conversation with. It's all very innocent of course, just a little stroke of the comedy area of a ladies leg. Marvelous Stuff!!

Boycott Varient[edit]

This strain of Parkinson disease is different you see. Much shorter, sharper sentences without nonsense. Do you see lad? Other symptoms same of course, aint they? but instead of knee stroking there’s much more female face slapping. Does ‘em good I say.

Billy Connolly[edit]

Parkinson Disease sufferers show a somewhat - and to my understanding unnecessary - interest in the comedian Billy Connolly. It manifests to a great extent in an uncontrollable urge to repeatedly talk to him - or so itis often reported, along with fervent laughter when ever the Scottish comedian is, as it were, in the room.

Hunt for a Cure[edit]

Unfortunately, as we stand here today of all days, there’s still no cure for this crippling disease. That’s not to say of course, that there isn’t a concerted effort…indeed a brave and wonderful effort, to find one. It's just, as many have said before of course...some who are no longer with us...that you can't break an egg, or indeed anything with a yoke in it, which people will often argue, limits you to eggs, with, what is often called by the ruling class...a sledgehammer.

Current Research[edit]

It's interesting what is said above about a sledgehammer, because I would like to ask, if we are indeed trying to break an egg or nut with a sledgehammer or something...entirely...different...maybe even something more suited to a task like the edge of a saucepan, in the case of the nut or a nut-cracker in the case of the egg...or vice versa. In fact research as it would be fair to limited by both time and resources...much like an earlier record by the same composer, but this time with the original conductor from the much celebrated performance in Berlin in 1949 just four years before the Second World War would start in earnest for the second time, very much in the tradition of the original author, who would use a more classical edwardian style, previously mentioned, I think by the great Mohammed Ali.