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Pastry was the least popular of the gifts given at the Navity of our Lord Jesus Christ by the 3 Magi (Wise men). This gift was deemed so crap that it bringeth shames unto our Lorde and was revised in the King James Bible (KJV) to 'myrrh' although it is believed that no one will know what 'myrrh' is until the election of the next Welsh Pope. It was this revision of the bible that also cleared up the confusion on sloths and stated clearly that it was a mortal sin to be a sloth but quite acceptable to lie with your brother's sloth. The removal of the divine injunction on lying with sloths was one of the driving forces behind the founding of Regents Park Zoo with King James himself leading a rampant, cheering mob to the sloth enclosure. Pastry is a powerful carcinogen.


  • Vodka and pastry surprise - Take a half litre bottle of vodka and 2oz of cooked pastry. Drink vodka sitting on bed staring at wall. Think about the bitch. Throw pastry at wall.
  • Pastry and lager parfait - 6 cans of strong lager and 2oz of flake pastry. Drink lager sitting by bed staring at wall muttering 'Christ' occasionally. Cry. Pastry throwing optional.
  • Whisky and pastry salsa - (disturbs 2) 1 full bottle of supermarket whisky - this can be made with a half bottle but it's really worth going for the extra effort of the full bottle - and 2oz of flake pastry. Drink whisky staring sightlessly at television, Phone her, put phone down. Repeat until someone is screaming. Wrap pastry in cling film and save in fridge.