Pat Boone

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Pat Boone
Pat Boone
Date of birth: June 1, 1934
Place of birth: Jacksonville, Florida
Nationality: Heavy metal
Known for Rock singer
Heavy metal singer
Former neighbor of Ozzy Osbourne
Occupation Rawker!!!
Religion Christian
Heavy metal
Spouse Grace Slick
Children Debby Boone
Cherry Boone
Lindy Boone
Laury Boone
Jimi Hendrix
Black Sabbath
Ronnie James Dio
Alice Cooper
Eddie Van Halen
David Lee Roth

Pat Boone (born Patrick Alice Boondocks June 1, 1934) is a prominent American preacher and heavy metal rock star; probably best known for portraying Al Jolsens gay grandson in the 1960's musical "Me Sing Just Like a Black Guy" and for his hit single "Daylight Come and Me Wanna Steal a Black Guys Song."

Boone is said to be related to American pioneer Daniel Boone, British singer-songwriter Daniel Powter, Tommy Tune and every other Looney Tune pig-knuckle-eating white person whose inbred families have ever lived anywhere near East Tennessee, Eastern Kentuckistan, North Georgia, Western North Carolina, or South Carolina.

In the 1950s, Pat Boone was praised by the black community for taking their simplistic and ritualistic forms of worship songs and turning them into personally lucrative masterpieces that could in turn be enjoyed by white folk.

In February of 1964, The National Black Congress awarded Boone the prestigious title of Da Mothafuckin' Honorary Brotha for his reworking of songs originally created by black artists that could then be shared with whites. As Little Richard remarked, "praise Brother Boone. I thank Jesus that Patty-boy stole all of my songs so that the world could finally get the opportunity to listen to them."

Boone now resides in Jersey City, California disguising himself as "Mr. Putz" at the local white-only miniature golf range. Since 1973, he has been the Presiding Wizard of the Independent Frog Leg Gulping Christian Covens/Covens of Christ.

He is the father of Debbie Boone, best known for her brave attempt to sing "You Light Up My Life," a song which, in equal parts, praises God and explores Ms. Boone's repressed sexual issues which most likely involving her father. She is married to some dweeb who is supposedly the illegitimate love-child of the late Rosemary Clooney and therefore, a distant cousin of the wannabe actor George Clooney.

Recently, on an obscure, late night TV show called Branson Jubilee, both father and daughter were seen singing the Elton John and Kiki Dee romantic duet; "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." The performance was simply disgusting but was awarded the "Nice Try Gayboy Award" by the North American Man/Boy & Father/Daughter Love Association (a non-authorized NAMBLA offshoot)

Pat Boone's most successful and critically-acclaimed album to date is the 1997 masterpiece, In A Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy, which won several Grammys and MTV Video Music Awards as well as two thumbs up from the League Blue Haired One-Legged Lesbian Grandma Bikers.

Boone has been an active advocate against the Video Professor "product" because he feels it exploits the elderly and the retarded.