Patrick Star

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Patrick Star.

“He's just standing there... MENACINGLY”

~ Patrick Star on patrol, upon seeing a suspected criminal

Patrick Star is a renowned vigilante and scientist, with an IQ that's greater than Einstein's. However, he shares his hunger for knowledge along with actual hunger. He lives inside a rock and often works overtime, eating doughnuts and ice cream only reaching to change the channel, fix the antenna, and to scratch his butt. His best friend is Spongebob, with whom he spends all his time. He also likes to hang out with the Pope of the Moron Church.

Patrick also lacks ears and a nose, instead having holes.

Patrick was the sole founder of the word "Wumbo", which is the opposite of mini. "I Wumbo, you wumbo, he/she/me wumbo,.."

Patrick is also notoriously known for calling the citizens of Finland for help when injured, with the most notable example being when he battled DoodleBob.

Also, look out for flying pink things around your room. He is known to steal ladies underwear in the dead of night, so hide your bloomers. Mrs. Krabs, Patrick is coming on the "Panty Raid".

Patrick's Career[edit]

Patrick Star has had many careers, with some of the most renowned being a vigilante, superhero, restaurant employee, and criminal.

On the weekends and during most of the week Patrick works. Although when he was married to Spongebob his work was less vigorous then when they broke up. While they were married Patrick just went to his rock and watched Television with the accompaniment of his briefcase full of junk food. Spongebob confiscated him from this job and they began to "live fancy". They began to sell chocolate bars.

Like most of Patrick's life it didn't go so well. Upon their first customer's house they were chased down the street by a man who was chocolate crazy. They were scammed about twenty times during their day. Patrick confessed his love to this bald man and he begs them to leave. Patrick and spongebob become infatuated with an old woman and her even-older mother. They are chased down the street a few more times by the crazed man until they are cornered by him. He buys all their chocolate and they thank him for his patronage. Spongebob and Patrick take out their newly found mates, the old couple, and rent out the whole "FANCY!" restaurant on Squidward's only night to be fancy.

At the age of seven, Patrick was dropped on his head, seventy four times. For every time he was dropped on his head, Spongebob Squarepants received a good noodle star. Now at the total of seventy four.

Patrick has forced spongebob to lose some of his good noodle stars, which made spongebob fall into a deep depression where he was beaten up by "Flats" the Flounder. In his old school when they liked the other they would "kick their butts".

Flats is a friend of Patrick's from community college

Patrick went through a dark chapter in his life, becoming known as the western criminal, "Pinhead Larry". However, he was soon apprehended by the vigilante Sandy Cheeks.

Patrick got 1 trophy "For Doing Absolutely Nothing Longer Than Anyone Else", helping to kickstart his well-paying career of being lazy.

But despite these non-brained actions, Patrick actually defeated spongebob in a contest to get a drivers license. He was awarded a free car to be the millionth person to get a license, but it didn't last because he had to throw it away because the needle was on "E", which meant "end". Patrick Star

Famous Media Contributions[edit]

  • No, this is Patrick.
  • I like pie!
  • It's not my wallet
  • I love you.
  • Well, it may be stupid... But it's also dumb!
  • Roses are blue. Violets are red. I have to go to the bathroom.

Patrick's House[edit]

Facts about Patrick's House:

  • Scratched into the back of Patrick's rock is a drawing of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
  • Before Patrick lived under his rock he was just living in a hole and one while he was sleeping a rock fell and so that became his home.
  • Patrick's rock is the same rock used to seal Jesus' tomb.
  • Patrick's rock contains a life-like gorilla costume.
  • Patrick's rock is partially self-aware.
  • All of the furniture in Patrick's house is made out of sand.

Musical Talent[edit]

“Is mayonnaise an instrument?”

~ Patrick Star on his most well-renowned instrument

Patrick plays three instruments, the mayonnaise, the belly, and the horseradish. He was apart of multiple bands, with one of the most notable being, "Plankton and the Patty Stealers". However, the band was soon shut down due to criminal activity.


Patrick is a well-noted professional in the study of Wumbo, with the only person rivaling his knowledge on the subject being Mermaid Man. His knowledge on the subject was put to practical use when SpongeBob needed to use Mermaid Man's belt, which operated off of Wumbo-style settings. Patrick is responsible for making Wumbology the global standard of the First Grade.

I wumbo
You wumbo
He/she/me wumbo

See Also[edit]