“This is the FBI we have seen the contents of your hardrive, where did you find all of this awesome porn at?”
Patriot act is a portion of a movie or a play (an act), which gives the people of USA a chance to be proud of their great and democratic country. The act restricts civil liberties to help freedom-lovng Americans fight freedom-hating un-Americans.
A proper Patriot act usually includes (but is not limited to) motivational speeches for the brave Americans, general patriotic monologue, waving the flag and beating and/or shooting the Un-Americans.
Your IP address has been logged as visiting over 30 illegal websites
Please contact the FBI or the CIA at your earliest convenience. Ask for Edgar.
Characteristics of a Patriot act
There are many characteristics which make a Patriot act proper. Since they are of the spirit and of the soul they cannot be clearly defined, but you will know them when you see them. Still, most Patriot Acts have certain things in common.
The most important thing in an Patriot act is that the star of the Patriot act must be born and portrayed as male. The reasons are purely historical: it's said that only men can represent the spirit of American founders like George Washington and Kevin Costner, who gave their lives defending their great country against the alliance of Indians, Communists and Indian Communists Disguised As Buffalo (ICDAB) in the Great Buffalo Wars of 1970's.
The male character portrayed in the Patriot act must be tall, handsome, somewhat muscular and known from several other movies and/or plays. The actor must usually be white. If not, there must be a compelling reason, and the minority in question must act as white as possible.(like Tiger Woods)
The meaning of a Patriot act is to make Americans proud of themselves and their country. Usually this is accomplished by giving a motivational speech, by a soldier or a politician, which are the most American professions in the whole wide world.
Showing symbols of Patriotism boosts the effect of the speech.
The most important symbol of Patriotism is the American flag. The second most important symbol is a tank. A gun or a really big sword will do in a pinch. Guns, brass knuckles, ammunition. Soldiers. Semi-automatic rifles. Charlton Heston. Khaki and camouflage. The delicious scent of napalm. These are good examples of military symbols. Also some symbols of an American nature should be present. These include the bald-headed eagle, a sunset, George Washington chopping down a cherry tree, football, baseball, NASCAR, and possibly pro wrestling. No other sports are acceptable. Hockey is too Canadian, basketball is too black, and real wrestling is too gay.
The motivational speech must be given to soldiers and/or civilians, who are in doubt of their personal courage. Weaker people such as children, women or liberals must be present. However, it must be noted that in some cases the speech can be changed to witty, slightly-naughty-but-still-rather-conservative one-liners. All this must be portrayed with inspirational music by late Jerry Goldsmith or latish John Williams.
The Ultimate Patriot Act
It is a shame that the Ultimate Patriot Act has yet to be made. Think, man! It would be AWESOME! Imagine the former NFL star, Vietnam veteran and newly elected president Charlton Heston giving motivational speech after motivational speech from the top of a tank, sound bites flying from his lips like bullets, as the desperate soldiers and their weak-ass crying liberal half-cousins crowd around to hear the TRUTH. A bald-headed eagle would land to Charlton's shoulder, dropping him a .44 Magnum from its beak! Then Charlton would lead the troops, who'd call themselves "Heston's Hellbellies", into a battle against gay Indian communist terrorists! Heston would prevail, probably die, and USA would be safe again! But for how long! See the sequel! There are still plenty of nonamericans left to kill kill kill! Woowoowooo
Why the patriot act keeps us safe
Terrorists hate our freedoms, and not because we blew the crap out of their houses, and so the patriot act keeps us safe. By taking away some of our freedoms right now, there is less left for the terrorists to take later. Because they're everywhere. Go Lebron James!!
Typical and/or famous Patriot acts
- Independence Day, especially the President's speech and when Will Smith punches the alien.
- John Rambo shooting in Rambo I, II and III
- The ending of Police Academy 2
- The end of Scent of a Woman
- That scene where Karate Kid does the Crane Kick!!!
- The scene in Mars Attacks! where that military guy tells Jack Nicholson to nuke the aliens
- The school scene in Starship Troopers, where the guy with iron hand teaches kids
- The first third of Full Metal Jacket
- The lame ending in Signs, but with more phone tapping and google history checks.
- When Brad Pitt goes to photoshoots in tight underwear.
Famous acts that can be mistaken as Patriot acts, but are actually full of liberal BS
- Every single courtroom bullshit scene in every BS courtroom movie
- Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, that part where Depp and Del Toro go to desert races
- Police Academy 7: Mission in Moscow
- Godfather 2: the death scene of Vito Corleone.
- The home scene in Starship Troopers, where the liberal dad acts gay and forbids his son to enlist the military
- The ending of Apocalypse Now! Too much drugs, man!