Paul Gilbert

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Paul Gilbert is the self proclaimed son of God and has the ability to shred on the guitar faster than the human eye can actually see, which perfectly explains his popularity in Japan due to the fact they have no ears (also see Feeder). Upon immaculate conception (his mother was a drunken prostitute, there is no evidence to suggest she wasn't a rapist), Paul Gilbert - then known as Abraham Fuckslikeaduck - pledged to be the best guitarist to have ever walked the Atlantic Ocean and played guitar music slightly resembling that of Oscar Wilde in his early shredding days. Hence whilst crossing the Atlantic, God formally adopted him and asked him to change his name, of which he could only think of one: Paul Gilbert. This name is drawn from an anagram of a synonym that is a misspelling of a word corresponding to the Titanic (which, incidentally, if he had not been stopped by God, his face melting guitar licks would have stopped it hitting the iceberg by melting every one in its path), but to give this away would cause Paul Gilbert to combust. In 1178 Paul Gilbert met Godzilla. During one hot night in a sleazy hotel Godzilla found a way to reproduce non-asexually and him.

Paul Gilbert is also famous for coining the phrase "Calcuttarization"

Future Plans[edit]

Paul Gilbert has made it his life ambition to start a civil war with the French from within. He plans to do this by playing his riffs backwards as doing this resembles speech by Jacques Chirac telling the French citizens to fight their neighbours.

Paul is also planning on giving Japanese people the ability to hear his music through the gift of ears.

Paul plans to release a new album. It will be a Spanish translation of his previous (instrumental) album, "Get Out of My Yard" entitled "Get Out of El Yard". Paul does not speak Spanish so has appointed Carlos Santana to translate all his riffs and solos into Spanish.


  • Beehive...Shite! (1764)
  • A Cute, Thick, Samurai (1809)
  • Frying Dog (1901), #1 in China since its release date.
  • Burning Orgasm (2000)
  • Stingray Farm (2006), a tribute to Steve Irwin.
  • Get Out Of my Head Charles!!!!! (2006)
  • I Keep Telling you, I'm not Herman Li (2012)
  • Space Shifts Once (2182), an educational shredding based on a NASA study.
  • Playing Bass is for Faggots: Suck it Billy Sheehan (2007)
  • Gilbert and Sullivan (2007), a duet album with former Wimbledon and Scotland goalkeeper Neil Sullivan.