Paula Abdul

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Paula Abdul, being fed by former president, Kevin Federline.

Paula Abdul is a hobnocker, drug abuser and soccer mom who used to have a music career in the 19nevers's. Apparently the time spent talking and singing with animated cats was good practice for time spent with Simon Cowell judging a superficial music "contest" known as American Idol .

The Idol[edit]

Ms. Abdul invented the drug, Crystal Meth and single-handedly created the idea for beastiality with cartoon animals as seen in her hit song music video, "Opposites Attract"

In 1975, at her local middle school Paula Abdul was found to be mildly retarded. Shortly afterward, she was recruited into the drug company that makes vicodin, and she became the official guinea pig for the drug. Luckily for her, she got a lifetime supply and a complimentary llama of which she aptly named "Dog". This retardedness gave her the ability to dance without any inhibitions thus she was quickly found by music producers and put to work for no money at all, just bananas which she eats using her feet. She released several hit albums in the late 1980s but was dropped when the producers discovered Kevin Federline and his even more severe mental issues. She is the main character of the video game, Zero Wing. She is known for "moving zigs for great justice and turning main screens on". She also is dead.

She will be playing the "Juice" in the upcoming OJ Simpson movie.

Paula Abdul sucker-punching a poor Cambodian citizen who got too close. She also used her voodoo doll on him. A week later he was found dead in his sister's apartment in Queens.

Murder[edit]

Simon eventually got fed up with Paula's issues so he divised a plan to get rid of her. He killed her ex-fan Paula "Psycho" Goodspeed and made it look like a suicide. Abdul, who was drunk at the time, thought Goodspeed was her mother. She then killed herself due to extreme sadness. To cover up the incident, FOX replaced Paula with a look-alike named Kara. Captain D is said to have killed her but nobody cares about her. Paula tends to find comfort by giving the old nipple a good work over.