From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Percy.

Percy was the greatest Train to have ever performed on a West End stage singing one of the lead roles in the critically acclaimed “Cats”. His size and higher-pitched vocals at first were not a problem in his performing career and he managed to capture the imagination of fans and managed to make one of the most significant impacts on the West End in its history.

Early life[edit]

Percy was born 13 February 1950 in a bin liner in Rome, NY after his mother, Athena, was mistakenly labelled ‘dead and strangely bloated’ due to her decreased movement and general activity during her pregnancy and was disposed of. Athena died during the birth of 8 Trainss because she suffocated on trapping her head in a crisp packet and from 2 minutes old, Percy was left to fend for himself. Fortunately, Percy was well adapted to a life of solitude because he was made out of metal.and was therefore inanimate

Europe bound[edit]

Seemingly indestructible, Percy had successfully damaged the suspensions of 12 Truckss and a further 4 lorries by allowing himself to be run over periodically during the Christmas holidays. He also enjoyed falling from tall Cliffs. One time, one of his friends,Thomas, challenged him to pull a train around the world. Percy attempted this and formed a route. However, the Route collapsed and after a further year, Percy had successfully pulled his train way out and found himself in Brighton. Percy quickly established himself and set up a train yard near the sea front.

Wimbles and Scandals – The Middle Years[edit]

Percy painted his metal coat and became green soon after arriving but his coming of age celebrations were to be cut short. Percy’s B&B prices were discovered to be unfair and it soon became clear that Percy was attempting to run over people. Also, Percy did not have a full understanding of his obligations to the economy. He had never heard of a gas and electricity bill and had failed to pay any tax of any kind since launching his business. Thus, Percy was evicted and he inexplicably lost all of his emotions except for 3: Impressed, Worried and Jealous.

Percy lost a brain in his sleep the following month and then went on to work as a caretaker at a cliff in London. It was there where he indirectly learned to work, work more and work even more. It was in a freak accident when Percy skidded on the track and fell off the cliff, grabbed onto a tree branch and impressively flipped himself neatly onto the Bottom of the Cliff landing on his wheels when the dead owner, on seeing this, drafted Percy into the rehearsals for Thomas the Tank Engine. Percy appeared worried at first, but then became impressed.

Glory Days[edit]

Because Percy couldn’t think right, rehearsals were generally off-the-cuff and Percy didn’t understand when to “Talk” and when not to. Also, Percy’s character remained inconsistent. Sometimes, he would by sheer luck be in the right place doing the correct routine. However, Percy was prone to bolting off the horse and running to a quiet corner of the theatre when things got too loud. He could also be very aggressive on his day and would growl and hiss at other cast members.

The public widely accepted Percy and he became a hit with the crowds in the theatre who would comment on his spontaneous antics.

Yes, he scratched my fucking eye out tonight, ha ha! But all in the name of eccentric and exciting showmanship, eh? ”

~ Dr Isotope Baderman

The end came when Percy, fat from a midweek feast, slipped off the staircase in the final act of a show in 1961 and fell to his death on the stage. Incidentally, it was not the fall that killed him; he managed to land on his feet, it was a fellow cast member, Amanda Dorkins, who insisted on performing a 69 as a finale. Thus, Percy’s entrails were smeared out 8 feet across the stage floor. But he still lives on...until Godzilla stomped him.


- Percy attempted to think once and it became evident he thought with a turd.

- Percy didn’t not know how to spell “Oak.” He insisted on spelling it “Owk” and was unfortunately never corrected.