Peter Kay

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Peter Kay seen here revealing his true form, the Absorbolton.

Peter Kay is a satirical parody of good British comedians, an effect achieved by repeating irritating catch-phrases to appeal to stupid Northeners. He was formally known as Kinda Funny.

Born in 1963, Oliver 'Orville' K. K. Kay was the cross-breed of a human mother and a prize-winning parrot with a vocabulary of 200 words. Blessed with handsome green fur and good looks, during his childhood he was frequently mistaken by his mother and visitors to his house as a bean bag, later he briefly joined the hit avian group The Beakles where he recorded the seminal hit Is This The Way To Armadillo?. After a fellow band member got arrested for pecking then-Prime Minister Paul McCartney to death, he left the group, and began a new life touring various comedy clubs as his satirical human character, Keith Harris.

Battle with alcohol addiction[edit]

However, alcoholism took a hold and he soon put on weight, developed an addiction to garlic bread, grew incontinent and had to start wearing adult nappies. His popularity waned and his new children's film Keith Harris And The Happy Funny People (1992) was a box-office flop. Sensitive about his new appearance, he opted for cosmetic surgery, but the operation left him permanently disfigured and left him as the vaguely human form we now know as Peter Kay. Nobody Cares

Close to suicide, he was admitted to the UKs most famous institute for the clinically depressed, i.e. the entire town of Bolton. Recovering from his illness he wrote his opus, Pheonix Knights, about his half-parrot childhood and the struggle for avian rights. (Side note: The lead character, the old, crippled Brian Potter, was J. K. Rowling's influence for her quadraplegic wizard, Harry Potter.)

Recent times[edit]

After the success of the dramatic Pheonix Knights, Kay returned to his comedy roots, with That Peter Kay Thingymajig and Max And Paddy's Road To Bolton. Currently, he is recovering from surgery to reattach his beloved beak.

Peter is married to supermodel and rubbish ITV presenter Vernon Kay and they have one son Gordon Kaye who owns a café in wartime France.

As of 2007, Kay has a cousin living in Northern Ireland, whose name is Eoghan Sally. Peter Kay has often been referred to as the new Tom Teather,Tom was heard to remark,nah i've seen his cock,it's nothing on mine,3 and a half inches,get in

Those catchphrases, one more time[edit]

  • "In't garlic bread funneh? It's ded funneh!"
  • "Have you ever noticed how..."
  • "Who here used to watch that old TV programme? You know the one..."
  • "What's all that about, eh?"
  • "This is a true story this..."
  • "Say what you see."
  • "Shut that door!"
  • "Buy my new DVD now!"
  • "Cheesecake...cheesecake..."