He's here.... The Phantom of the Opera!!!
A very sexy character, often likened to Darth Vader, who lurks in my dressing room.
He is often called a stalker, but in reality is stalked by crazed phans.
What is a Phan?
A Phan is a fan of the The Phantom of the Opera, who believe that by changing the leter "f" in ANY word to a "ph", they are proving their devotion to it. They also use terms from Phangirl's Dictionary quite often. Terms such as "squee" and sheet music.
What many of them do not realise, however, is that before Joel Schumacher made the shiny movie of Andrew Lloyd Webber's stage musical, it was also a book. The author, Gaston Leroux, claimed it was based on a real story that happened in the Paris Opera House. Adapted many times in various forms-plays, movies, and finally, a world-famous musical, the most peculiar feature of the Phantom of the Opera is the Magical Reducing Scar. Originally a man with a "deaths head", the phantom's scar has remarkably downsized to what many believe is only a "bad case of acne" in the movie. Many attribute this to the recent advances in medical sciences, and a 40s something surgeon in the LA area. This fact has pleased many "phans", who often remark that, "the 3/4 of the face you can see is really hot!"
A Phan will use words such as, "phriend" and "phantastic", and will more often than not write bad "phanphic" in which Christine ends up with the Phantom, leaving poor Raoul behind.
Many Phans will also incessantly refer to Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom as "Erik". This is another inane attempt to prove their "phandom," as the musical simply calls him "The Phantom." They think that referring to him by his name in the source material proves their superior knowledge over the casual watcher. Newbie Phans will often erroneously refer to him as "Eric" with a C instead of Erik with a k, which also results in a threat of a deadly noose or chandelier.
True Phantom fans annoy the crazed movie "Phans" by:
- Reacting strongly if you say the movie version is way better than the musical or other movie versions
- Criticizing sharply that Gerard Butler can't sing
- Hailing Michael Crawford or other musical actors as the best Phantom
- Calling newbie phangirls a "phake phan" because you only saw the movie and have no knowledge of the book
Typical traits of a "Phan" include:
- Crying when their parents steal their Phantom CDs in a bid to get them out of the house
- Threateningly whipping out a punjab lasso at anyone who asks what "keep your hand at the level of your eyes" means
- Crying every time they watch the film version because Christine doesn't end up with the crazy murderer, and goes off with Raoul instead
- Wailing every time they watch the musical because they love the story too much
- Can be heard quoting lines from the libretto at the most inopportune moments
- Getting into knife-fights with fans of Les Miserables.
- Prone to being hit with shit
The Unravellers & Honeyphan
There is a subset of phans known as the "Unravellers," and are in a class of phandom all their own. The Unravellers originally dwelt on the Official Phantom of the Opera Movie Message Boards. After the closure of those boards, they invaded an innocent fan site (www.phantomgerry.net) and have been ramming their delusional ideas down the throats of original members ever since. Also called "HPers", they often find ways to convince each other that Christine did choose the hot, sexy Phantom in the end, usually by assuming that bloopers were put there intentionally, and overanalysing them ad nauseum. The HPers can be dangerous when provoked (read: proven wrong), as they often run whining to the nearest moderator, claiming that they are being persecuted for their non-canonical views. Then they go and persecute people who disagree. Including calling them "crazies" and insulting their maturity and personal experiences.
The prodigal son of the Phan family will be known as SAMPHAN!He may also be called, SMOOTHDUDE, and TEH LADY-ERASER. IN other words, HES FUCKING AWESOME