Phenomena

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Phenomena is the first word in a ritualized song which has fascinated mankind since the dawn of pancakes. Its orgins are disputed but most agree that it appeared spontaneously during an argument between a fruit-bat and a large, now extinct marsupial goat. It wasn't until several thousand millennia later that human beings began to utter the word. What remains hotly debated however is the number of "doot"s which follow it.

A majority of the earth's population agree that:

  • "Phenomena" was initially uttered by a marsupial goat.
  • "Phenomena" should be followed by:
Doot doot, doot doot doot.
Phenomena, doot doot doot doot.
Phenomena, doot doot doot doot doot....

It's from here on that opinions vary.

The case for Doot doot doot doot doot, ah-doot doot doot doot doot.[edit]

  • The way of the Zen

This version, sometimes called the Reductionist Teachings or the Way of the Zen, claims that the originator of the Phrasing, The Muppets, a benevolent and peace-loving race of sub-humanoid animal like creatures who lived in the Late Puppetaceaous Period, always intended that the last stanza of the Phrasing be kept short.

According to this doctrine, subsequent longer versions are in fact inferior man-made versions of the original word of The Muppets. The earliest cited example of this version is written on the back of the Rosetta Stone with a Sharpie Marker.

The case for Doot doot doot doot doot, doot doot doot doot, doot doot doot doot, doot doot doot doot, ah-doot doot doot doot doot.[edit]

Fidel Castro shields his eyes from the power of The Lord God Shiva whilst discussing his love of version two.
  • The not way of the Zen

This much longer version, called The Holy Word of The Lord God Shiva or The Longer One, is controversial and has been the subject of many disputes, both legal and warfaring.

Its true origins are unclear, as those that propound it claim to have been found it through Devine inspiration. Shiva the Destroyer is sometimes cited as a Holy source for this version. What is known for certain is that it did appear on Television during the later part of the 20th Century, sometime during the 1970's. Although this is where many people experienced it for the first time, this was actually only a dramatization of something which is known to have existed since at the invasion of the Horsemen of Ikea into Eastern Europe in the 16th Century.

When Adolf Hitler first invaded Poland his given reasons for doing so were said to be largely to do with his belief that the longer version was the work of The Great Satan.

The Bionic Man, a television show first screened in USA before being later shown to monkeys aboard the first unmanned mission to Venus, was loosely based on the seventh "Doot" in The Holy Word of The Lord God Shiva version.

Quotations[edit]