Philip Ruddock

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Philip Ruddock in a light hearted mood which always shines through.


Philip Maxwell Ruddock (Hatched March 12, 943 a.d.), Australian politician, was Generally-Attorney like but more often acted like a Nazi in the Coalition Government of Australia's Prime Minister John Howard.

Hatching & Growth[edit]

Ruddock was hatched in Berowra, New South Wales, the spawn of the devil, and also a river of evil. He was brainwashed at Barker College in the Sydney suburb of Hornsby and the University of Sydney, and became a solicitor. He joined the firm Berne, Murray and Tout, and was promoted to partner. Several attempts to trap him have failed and the question of whether he is a reptile, vampire or just garden variety ghoul is unresolved.

Spread of Evil[edit]

In 1973, he was elected to the House of UnRepresentives, as a Liberal member for the seat of Parramatta. He shifted to the seat of Dundas in 1977 and to Berowra in 1993. In the 1980s and early 1990s, he was an active member of the parliamentary group whose sole purpose was to destroy Amnesty International.

Consolidation of Evil[edit]

Security camera footage of Ruddock after hours.

In 1996, when the Liberals gained office, Ruddock was appointed to the Cabinet as Immigration Minister. In this role, he presided over the Howard government's hardline policies on asylum seekers. He maintained and extended the practice of mandatory detention of asylum seekers, and personally tortured people in the Tampa crisis and threw children overboard a boat in the Timor Sea.

These events made Ruddock one of the most popular Australian politicians, but some clever organisations such as Amnesty International have cleverly attempted to distance their organisation from him. The asylum seekers issue played a significant role in the Liberal victory at the 2001 election, and Ruddock was subsequently rewarded with the additional portfolio of Indigenous Affairs. By 2001 he had become a hero of the Liberal Party's rank-and-file, while being a despised villain to left-wing activists and human rights advocates alike. At one point he was one of the few senior ministers (besides the prime minister) to have needed a personal security detail. Attempts on his life are not discouraged by the populace.

Evil Gatekeeper[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Philip Ruddock.

If you do have enough money, you can pay Ruddock to gain entry to Australia. There is no need for payment in advance, just carry it on you when you arrive.

Upon entry to Australia, Ruddock greets each and every asylum seeker by saying "HOLD UP ID PRICK". This is an anagram of his own name, solid proof that he is even more eviler than evil itself.

Even More Evil[edit]

Ruddock is now the Attorney-General of being an arsehole. He is now responsible for the government's policy of removing all basic human rights for Australians and anyone else entering Australia, in the interest of national security of the Liberal Party's staying in governme...............

Vanquished?[edit]

Cleaning product Mascot and Vampire Mr Sheen discovered his true weakness. Deducing he was not a vampire, zombie or werewolf but some pile of unimaginative drivel. He was forced to utter a humorous phrase over and over until his head subsequently melted. Expert political analysis has determined he died because he was a rubbish politician and humorless bastard (see The Chaser Austin Powers incident). However the general Australian public knows this is B&^(&^$ and he is secretly plotting his humorless return to power, probably in league with the labor party.