Phitten

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

January 25, 2020 at 10:41Phitten

A phonics/kitten "high" produced in users who elevate cute, defenseless kittens on a standart IV pole, insert 3/4" tygon tubing into their tight, pink kitty arses, and suck quite vigorously while trying to enunciate difficult phonetic sounds such as "ph", "!kung", "plbbbtpt!", and the dreaded "schwa" (often spelled as an upsidedown "e"). The mouth filling goo that results is considered by some to be an aphrodesiac (also: aphrodesiac), ambrosia, ambergris, and/orAdam Ant. The taste of the mouth filling goo has been compared to Hershey Kisses with almonds, Louis Jadot Beaujolais Villages, and manatee smegma. After ingention, the goo first numbs the throat and extremities in a vauge, what-the-fuck-is-happening-to-me sort of way, then procedes directly to the male genitals (if you're a chick, it procedes to the genitals of your nearest male neighbor who is neither gay nor talented, thus ruling out Ben Stiller), inducing a sensation of sticking your pecker in granular snow while inserting a pine cone into your unlubricated asshole. Twenty to thirty minutes later, drops of blue fluid exude from the male (vestigial) nipples to become the basis for window cleaning spray. The so-called "high" lasts a fortnight or so, and ends with an implosion of the right testicle. As an interesting side note, some physicists beleive that such an implosion is how our present universe began. Antidotes to the goo include reversing the process such that the drug user blows those white chunks that come up from their lungs after a particualry grueling bong session back into the kitten's asshole while trying to hum "God Shave Your Queen", and reading any of the tripe published by Tom Clancy.