From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Pillows were first invented by Jaques Francis Pillou in 1485 (Jaques was later credited with inventing tableted medicine - known as "pills"). Pillows were invented when Jaques got tried of sitting on rocks, pets, familly members etc. and wanted something that would be softer on his behind.

Pillow Sizes[edit]

Typical pillow sizes are as follows:

Standard: 20" x 26" (51 x 66 cm)

Queen: 20" x 30" (51 x 76 cm)

King: 20" x 36" (51 x 92 cm)

European Square: 26" x 26" (66 x 66 cm)

Decorative Pillows:

Typical Boudoir/Breakfast Pillow:12" x 16" (30 x 41 cm)

Typical Square Throw Pillow:18" x 18" (46 x 46 cm)

Typical Neckroll Pillow:6" x 13" (15 x 33 cm)

Early Uses of Pillows[edit]

Pillows weren't just used as sitting implements the pillows as padding to increase the size of the upper torso to appeal to increasingly fickle French men. This practice is still continued today (The model: "Jordan" springs to mind). Pillow fighting wasn't invented till much later when armies had to camp on the battlefield; historians believe it was a small English group who had managed to sneak their way into the French camp but had forgotten to bring weapons (they apparently had been at a tavern and were wasted - typical British) the only weapons they could find to hand were pillows and as the Frenchmen were just awoken from their slumbers - the only weapons they had were pillows. As pillows cannot cause injury, the war lasted a long time - the one hundred years war as it is now known.

Contemporary Uses of Pillows[edit]

Pillows became highly desired ornaments for their scratch and shatter resistance making them one of the biggest sellers of the twentieth century. The pillow's softness makes it an asset around the house - it is ideal for throwing at a partner in times of marital difficulty, the fabric coating can be used to wipe windows and the absorbant quality is perfect for mopping spills. Pillows have surpased sliced bread as the world's best object. Current estimates put the pillow population at about five billion and this figure is expected to grow with the increasing size of the human population and the continued evolution of apes.

Pillows in Art[edit]

It is well known by art enthusiasts that Mona Lisa's smug smile is because she is sitting on one of the finest pillows of the time and that Munch's "The Scream" depicts someone who has lost their pillow (presumeably into the water below).

Pillows in Film[edit]

"I have your pillow"


"Fankly my dear, I don't want your pillow."

The dress used in the film "The Seven Year Itch" worn by Marilyn Monroe was held in its iconic place by hidden pillows.

Pillows of Tomorrow[edit]

The Japanese are currently working on all sorts of electric pillows to suit the rest of your electric furniture soon you will able to sit in an electric chair with your electric pillow and electric blanket. Many different features will be available in the future such as heating, satellite TV, MP3, heating, vibrating, mobile phone, heating etc.

Other types of Pillow[edit]

Pillows arent necessarily a form of comfort. They are also LIVING CREATURES. They tend to lurk in swamps located in tool sheds, make pop noises and are all seemingly called Todd. People that generally say they're not all called Todd are people that cleary cannot tell the difference between a pillow and a cabbage.