Pillsbury Dough Boy

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“He knew Snoopy

~ Tamia on WWI

The Pillsbury Doughboy1965.5 of Pillsbury, all rights reserved-September 26th, 2007) or "Poppin' Fresh" as he was originally known, was created in 1965, thus becoming the only thing of any interest to happen in 1965nd speaking to him. After seeing this. Perz was struck with the idea of what would eventually become The Pillsbury Doughboy, a walking, talking mass of uncooked dough. Being as Perz had no human contact other than his own wrinkled mother, he decided to model Fresh in his own likeness, giving him dialated pupils, albino skin, and his ever-present baker's hat and scarf.

Birth Of A Monster[edit]

I will slaughter your first born.

One very drunken, S. After 6 and a half hours of unbridled passion (which was not limited to Al's neck in Elmo's redwoods), the three cuddly monsters merged into one, Voltron-esque creature. The beast was 40 stories tall if it was a foot. It looked down to Stay Puft Tickle Me Roker shrunk down to 11 inches. His new height didn't bother him as much as the fact that his head was very very cold. He found a passed out whino in a gutter who just so happened to be Chef Boyardee. The 11 inch monster beat Boyardee to a bloody pulp, cruelly ignoring his inhuman screams of "Bork Bork Bork!" When he was good and dead, the tiny freak of nature stole Chef Boyardee's frumpy/gay chef hat and placed it on his own head. "Now," he said to himself, "It's time to get my dance on!" He then proceeded to the local discotech and danced California Hustle circles around playas, playa haters, and John Travolta.

Contrary to popular belief the Dough Boy is in fact gods chosen bringer ave said he would halt the end of the world if "you all

To infinity... and beyond!

Pillsbury Dough Boy is a wee bit over-obsessed with baking. In 1956, he served his first dish, a croissant roll, to Swedish astronaut, Vladimir Putin. At first, Putin was confused, a little taken aback, and even deathly afraid of the strange, oval, golden bread roll that seemed to intertwine with itself an infinite number of times. But after just one nibble, the two-time space cowboy kicked up his heels shouting "Zowie! That's a spicy a meatball!" Putin then could not resist the uncontrollable urge to poke Pillsbury Dough Boy lightly in the belly. When he did so, PDB emitted a noxious gas from his backside. Not the least bit embarrased, he giggled like the tickle me elmo, and spoke what would one day be, his coup de grâce: "Hee hee!"

Early Life and Escape[edit]

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Perz was not only dependent on his creation, but very protective as well. Not only did he expect Fresh to spend his more intimate times with Per, but he also demanded a certain amount of ass-fuckery from the dough. Fresh was to laugh at everything Perz ever said, constantly smile, and maintain an incredibly shrill voice throughout (a task which became ever more difficult as Fresh hit puberty). The constant laughing and smiling took its toll on Fresh, and Perz would often have to prod the doughman's belly to remind him of his duties. The effects of this treatment can still be seen today, as even the slightest contact with Fresh's frontside will provoke a fearful giggle. For many months Perz and Fresh lived together in a cabin in the outskirts of West Virginia. However, the lack of contact from the outside world, and the constant sexual abuse from Perz made it hard for Fresh to stay stable. It was soon apparent that Fresh was unable to handle the emotional responsibility of Perz's dependency, and the .

Fresh's depression continued to grow, and by March of 1966 it his sadness began to turn into rage. He reached his final straw on March 16. That morning, instead of waking Perz with orange juice and gin as he normally would, he grabbed his shotgun and charged into Perz's room screaming what were probably meant to be obscenities, but were slurred and inaudible and aimed the gun at Perz. After several attempts to shoot the man he hated, Fresh gave up and decided to just club him to death with a nearby phone.

Hollywood and Rise to Fame[edit]


After a year of isolation, meditation, and rehabilitation, Fresh was finally ready to "get out there and do something with his life." His drug and alcohol addiction being almost completely cleared up, it was, in his opinion, time to go to Hollywood and try his hand at fame. Met with high high living expenses, and an ever-growing self-consciousness, Fresh survived like most others, emorable incident involved Fresh, the Trix Rabbit and several bottles of KY. Trix never forgot this random act of kindness, and it was he who got Fresh his first audition.

His doughy appearance and heart-felt laugh earned Fresh the part of "lovable bakin' buddy." Fresh's first commer