“So i herd u like Piplups?”
“Lyk oMG Piplup iZ lYKe Sooooo KuTE!:)”
“In Russia pokemon catch you”
Piplup (pronounced PIMP-LIP in America and Canada, PHIL-LUP in Great Britain and Australia or PI-Pluck in the Philippines) is a highly hyperactive, insane, silly, racist, optimistic, crybabyish, cute penguin. This Pokemon is cherished and has become a symbol of environmental hippies like Al Gore, PETA, and Paul McCartney. Piplups are found in Antarctic or under your bed!! wastelands and, ironically, their population is growing rapidly despite global warming. Although they may seem friendly to most people, they are actually evil penguins who wants to destroy everything in the world, enslave everyone, and -- of course -- create a nice environmental utopia. Ya mom lieks Piplupz becauz theyre cuteeeez and there easy to murder.
The purpose of this Pokemon is just to be cute, to be a complete dumb-ass (Piplups have an IQ of -33), and to screw around. Piplups are just used as pets and in fashion shows. The problem with Piplups is that they are suck real bad and therefore suck at everything. Piplups engage in lots of girly fucked-up activities like sewing, knitting, wearing dresses, and cheerleading (see picture below).
Piplups are also highly prideful to themselves and are sheer racists. They hate African Americans, Jews, Chinese, Muslims, and pretty much hundreds of more I can't think of. They refuse to take any food from Mexicans and they don't like to be hugged by autistic people. Don't worry, they won't kill you or anything because of your race.
Piplups are well know of assisting suicides. See Ash's death article for more details.
Despite living in Antarctica they have been spotted in different places around the world, including France, Egypt, Iran, United States, Jesusland, Vatican City, and China. Documents gathered by the CIA show them in photos with many celebrities and terrorists like Kanye West, Oscar Wilde, Tom Cruise, and Osama bin Laden. Piplups aren't violent Pokemon. They are attracted to music by Disturbed because they are, after all, disturbing penguins. Although not well known in the skateboarding capital of the universe, California, and the snowboarding capital in the world, Mount Everest; they are nevertheless excellent skateboarders and experienced snowboarders. Piplups are really allergic to tattoos, which cause their eyes to bleed and later have their brains explode.
Piplup evolves into Swastika.
HP: Having piss? Oh, it means hit points. Well Piplups have 100,000,000 health, which means a nuclear muscle and 666 round house kicks will just only deplete 75% of the health and still be strong.
Attack: Piplups can attack you either with the beak, acid bubbles, shoop beam, and the whirlpool of DEATH!!!
Defense: Piplups don't need armor, they have high enough health.
Speed: Piplups don't run that fast you bastard!!
Sex: Gender? No wait, you mean orientation! Well 70% of them are gay, while 20% are Bi. Only 10% are Straight because most pinplups find Chuck Norris VERY attractive.
I.D.:Piplups have a permanent cape on their backs. They can use the cape to fly but they are too fucking stupid, New studies show that piplups seem to Dive off cliffs trying to fly.
Intelligence:Piplup has a bird-brain.
Luck:Piplup is always damn luck during battles and so damn lucky to sex Dawn twice.
Known Owners of Piplups
According to December 21st, 2012 statistics, about 4 million people will own a Piplup. The cute little Pokemon are well cared-for.
A list of all known people who own a Piplup:
- You Yes! You do! You love Piplups! Everyone has one!
- Your Mom
- Your Girl Friend
- David Draiman (Disturbed)
- Hugo Chavez
- Chuck Norris If Chuck Norris had the same exact Piplup as yours, his Piplup is better.
- Fidel Castro
- Oscar Wilde
- Adolf Hitler
- Tom Cruise
- Al Gore
- Cloud Strife
- Robert Mugabe, who owns 75 of them. Mugabe is using them to solve the water shortage in his country by having them piss in the rivers, but we all know that Piplups don't take shit seriously.
- Wesley Crusher, who feels a certain kinship with them.
- Piplup About 3.1415 out of 4 Piplups own a Piplup. Which is not slavery because they have an IQ of -33. Everybody knows that living things with an IQ under 120,000 can't be enslaved.
- A DINI
- Donald Duck
Piplup salutes to Hitler
A recent discovery by your mom found that Piplup highly salutes to Adolf Hitler, thus proving Piplup's racism. Although it appears Piplup is saying "Piplup Piplup," he's really saying "Hitler, Hitler":
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