Pirate-Ninja War

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Pirate-Ninja War
Date: 1337
Place: Treaty Island and Mississauga
Outcome: Indecisive but on going to this day
Media coverage: little to none
Combatants
Pirates Ninjas
Commander
Ketters†, Blondebeard†, Guybrush Threepwood, Monkey D. Luffy†, Captain Jack Sparrow (retreated) Kawagucci†, The "Ask A Ninja" Ninja†, Miko Mido†, Hiro Nakamura†, Deadpool (retreated)
Strength
fleets of pirates,

several squadrons of moderate ninjas, the United Pirate Fleet, The Black Pearl

armies of ninjas,

Samurai and petty Karate clubs

Casualties
every single pirate and Moderate ninja on the island, destruction of United Pirate Fleet, escape of the Black Pearl every single Radical ninja on the island

“the difference between a pirate and a ninja is subtlety”

~ Oscar Wilde on 'pirates' 'ninjas' 'pirate ninjas' 'ninja pirates' and 'squirrels'

The Pirate-Ninja War of 1337, also known as The Treaty Island War, was an epic war between radical groups of pirates and ninjas in a final war to settle once and for all who was the best of all. Most of the fighting took place on a large unnamed island, now called Treaty Island, after an important document that was taken there. It was started largely by the supreme court case Pirate v. Ninja.

The war ended in a draw, as every single combatant either retreated or was killed.


<poll> Yeah yeah, but who REALLY won the war? Ninjas Pirates </poll>


Pirate v. Ninja[edit]

In 1343, a supreme court case was called concerning a problem between a specific pirate and ninja, who chose not to send in a picture. We all can imagine what THEY look like then. Basically, the jury was hung (literally), and the situation was not resolved. Both sides lived in an uneasy cooperation due to a treaty, but the situation threatened to explode out of control. Which, of course, it did.

The treaty stated, among other very complex things involving ninja-pirate politics, that the Ninjas and Pirates should learn to live in harmony, but the Pirates just wanted to party all the time and the Ninjas kept getting disturbed while trying to meditate, which is never good news. Basically the entire situation wound up like a giant elaborate episode of the Odd Couple, with the Pirates never remembering to take out the trash and the Ninjas constantly refusing to chill out. This was a result of the age-old problem of having two ultimately awesome powers present in the same space, which now is totally impossible. Before the war Pirates and Ninjas often fought, but now if a true Pirate and Ninja ever so much as look at each other there is a dire risk of time crawling up in a ball and crying itself to sleep, reality turning inside-out and Pluto becoming a planet again.

Spotting the difference between a Pirate and a Ninja[edit]

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/d/dd/Ninjas-v-pirates.jpg

The Almost-War[edit]

There was a brief event, known now as the Treaty-Editing Crisis, which almost became the Pirate-Ninja war, but was resolved before any lives were lost.

The Initial Editing of the Treaty[edit]

There is no hard and short conclusion, so you really need to draw your own. Preferrably with MS-Paint.

The Pirate-Ninja War almost started in 1337, when a small team of rogue ninjas, under command of a Samurai Kawagucci (also an Art of War historian), sneaked into the Smithsonian one night, and removed the Pirate-Ninja treaty from its case. They discovered, to their delight, that it had been written in lead-based ink, which had broken down over the years and could be erased with a normal eraser. They immediately removed any parts that gave rights to the pirates or limited rights of the ninjas, photocopied it, left the fake in its place and stole away with the treaty to the large forest island, which Kawagucci dubbed Kawagucci Island. There, they ate, drank, and were merry, mercilessly changing and rewriting the treaty, so it became more and more illegible, the more they got more drunk.

The Pirate's Response[edit]

The next day, the Smithsonian guards found the treaty missing, with the photocopy in its place. Pirates everywhere were angered, and amassed a large fleet of pirates to go and pillage the Smithsonian in anger. To save it, the Smithsonian Curator revealed that they placed scent trackers in every one of their artifacts, to prevent robbery. He discovered the coordinates of the island, and told the pirates. Under command of a main Captain (believed to be Captain Ketters), the pirates united, readied, and sailed all their ships toward the island, in the newly-created United Pirate Fleet.

The Ninja's Response to the Pirate's Response[edit]

Many ninjas agreed with Kawagucci, and decided to sail over to help. A large group led by Sub-ninja Michael Iverson hijacked a cruise ship, set the passengers and crew adrift in lifeboats, and sailed towards the island. Due to the superiority of their watercraft, the pirates arrived first and attacked Kawagucci's men (this may also be because the ninjas were too busy enjoying the ship's spa to pilot the ship correctly). Iverson passed control of his squadron to Kawagucci, but they had arrived too late. Upon defeat of the ninjas, pirates quickly left as evening was upon them and they were naught to face ninjas after dark when they would be nearly impossible to see.

Meanwhile, other ninjas on the continent were enjoying the peace between the pirates and ninjas, and were afraid that this confrontation would shatter it. Determined to resolve the situation once and for all, groups of Moderate ninjas found various ways to get over and demand a cease-fire.

The Pre-War Standoff[edit]

Kawagucci and his men were holed up in a large field, surrounded by large outcroppings of rocks. The pirates had left the bulk of their forces landing the ships, but a legion of men hiked out with Ketters to scout out the enemy. They found more than they bargained for.

The Moderate ninjas were smart. They had spread their team out in a large circle around Kawagucci's field, and, when the pirates marched through, captured the pirates at swordpoint, since they don't use guns. Marching their new prisoners into the field, they surrounded and captured Kawagucci and his men as well. Then, they forced Ketters and Kawagucci to rewrite and fix the treaty, and gave everyone their deserved rights back. There was much arguing and yelling and frustration on all three sides. The situation seemed out of control.

Then, a cowboy walked in, and everyone stared.

Not wanting to look bad in front of the cowboy, Ketters and Kawagucci shut up and the issue was resolved quickly. Then both sides sailed home. Kawagucci was court-martialed, and thrown in prison, and Kawagucci Island was renamed Treaty Island. Disaster was averted.

However, both radical sides were unhappy. The situation showed, each side felt, that the other side felt superior to theirs. Several pirates and ninjas had fled into the forests of the island, and small bands of pirates and ninjas were still hiking around trying to find them. This caused a very unstable situation, which was why it only took a small misunderstanding to blow the whole thing up.

The Beginning of the Actual War[edit]

Kawagucci, you can imagine, wasn't very pleased with how things turned out, and had secretly been talking to ninjas and getting them to hate pirates. Pirates, since they were kinda the underdogs in the Pre-war Standoff, already hated the ninjas more.

The Iverson Massacre[edit]

Not all pirates and ninjas hated each other. On Kawagucci Island, the groups were working together to find the runaway fugitives. One such group, composed of about 20 pirates and ninjas, was searching deep in a forest one day. Unbeknownst to them, Iverson and a small band of fugitive ninjas were meters away, in thick brush. Disgusted at the sight of pirates and ninjas helping each other, Iverson's small band opened fire, and 18 of the twenty searchers were killed. The other two, badly wounded, died later in a makeshift hospital on the island. Reports were sent back, but, since each side is only responsible for their own death-count, both sides only found out that their men had been killed.

The Death of Bailey[edit]

Sean Edwin Bailey was the leader of the pirate-ninja search party, and was also the first casualty of the war when Iverson, to signal his men to charge, shot him in the back with a blowdart. Bailey died a horrible, slow, and painful death.

The Response to the Iverson Massacre[edit]

Both sides were horrified, and vowed to get revenge, but on the wrong people. Both groups of radicals were sure it was the other's fault. Anti-pirate or -ninja fervor ran high, and small skirmishes broke out on the continent.

A team of moderate pirates, however, knew that it was Iverson's fault, not the ninjas. One night, a large force, Under Captain Gregory Bergeron, sailed out to the island.

They were spotted by ninja lightposts on the continent, and radical ninjas everywhere revolted. They immediately thought the pirates were going to massacre more ninjas. A large force of Radical ninjas stormed the prison where Kawagucci was held, kiled the Moderate ninja guards, freed Kawagucci, and set off under his command for the island at once.

The Battle of the Green Lagoon[edit]

On Treaty Island, most of the search parties, when they weren't searching, camped near a fresh-water lagoon laden with moss and algae, nicknamed the Green Lagoon. Bergeron's men landed there late that night, and camped with them for the night.

The next morning, they fanned out in search parties, until high noon, when lookouts reported that unidentified sailing barges were coming into the lagoon. Bergeron and his men returned to greet and question the newcomers.

Meanwhile, Kawagucci pulled a smart tactic. Using the thin hollow reeds all around the lagoon, he had most of his men slip into the water and swim to its edge, hiding, pepared to strike on his signal. Then he prepared a dramatic entrance for himself. When his barge landed, he swung the cabin's door open, and, as Bergeron and his men gawked in surprise at seeing Kawagucci, he struck. His men poured out of the barges and the river. The ones in the water, covered with algae, looked like mosters instead of men, scaring the pirate troops, giving Kawagucci a big advantage. Bergeron was killed, his ship captured, and most of the pirates were killed. The survivors escaped into the forest.

The Pirate's Response to Green Lagoon[edit]

The pirates were (rightfully) horrified, and again the United Pirate Fleet was assembled, and sent out to the island. The overall command of pirate forces was given to an experienced Captain Rucker Wesley, who captained the pirate's flagship, the Eighth Piece. Detirmined to avenge the wrong that had been done to his people, Wesley and his officers prepared several battle strategies.

The Ninja's Response to the Pirate's Response to Green Lagoon[edit]

The Moderate ninjas were pissed that the Radical ninjas had killed some of them during the Storming of the Prison. As an effect, several ranks of Moderate Ninjas headed to the island to reinforce the pirates. On the continent, Moderate Ninjas began using propaganda to discredit the Radical Ninja cause.

The remaining Radicals, since they were now being prosecuted on their home soil, left bit by bit and made it to Treaty Island in various ways.

Both sides were amassing troops, and a full-scale war was about to ensue.

Important Battles of the War[edit]

one many small skirmishes

This war was mainly guerilla warfare, with small skirmishes in hundreds of places all over the island. However, some battles, especially the earlier ones, were important to the course of the war, and are summarized here.

The Battle of Rocky Point[edit]

The first pirate offensive took place near a large collection of rocks at the top of a giant cliff near the north side of the island. A small recon squad of Radical ninjas, led by sub-ninja Elijiah Browser, was scouting the area out, when a different group of Moderate ninjas fired on them. Browser's men pulled back and hid in the rocks, where they held the tiny group of Moderates off. The Moderates kept them held there, and both sides sent for reinforcements. One of Wesley's sub-commanders, Quentin Pieters, led a small force back to defeat the ninjas. Though they were out-numbered 3 to 1, Browser's men used their natural advantages and the cover of the rocks to hold them off. Pieters' men were decimated, and Pieters also sent for more troops.

Meanwhile, Kawagucci had decided to ignore Browser's predicament and let him fend for himself, but when he heard of Browser's second victory, changed his mind. Taking a fifth of his entire army, Kawagucci attacked Pieter's men in full force, wiping out nearly all the pirates. Pieters retreated to safety with about twelve men. The loss was a crushing blow to morale for the pirate forces.

Browser was made second-in-command, and Kawagucci was feeling pretty invincible, not having lost a battle yet. This belief was further strengthened when Kawagucci won his next three battles.


The Blind Battle of Empirical Forest[edit]

In the heart of the island, there was a forest that both sides tended to stay away from. This was due to the fact that the foliage was so thick that the forest was pitch-black all year round. Hense it was nicknamed empirical forest, after the British Empire, because "the sun never sets on the Engilsh Empire," and it doesn't set on Empirical Forest either.

One day, Kawagucci's forces were pursuing a small pirate force through the woods, when the pirates met up with a large Moderate Ninja regiment, led by the dashing colonel Arthur Greene. The tides turned, and Kawagucci's men were suddenly running for their lives. Kawagucci decided to hike through Empirical forest, thinking the Moderate Ninjas wouldn't pursue. However, Greene marched in any way.

Kawagucci thought he had eluded capture, but didn't count on his navigational skills. In the dark, he accidentally got turned around, and clashed headlong into Greene's forces. fighting broke out, but since neither side could see, it was every man for himself. Most of the casulties in the battle were actually accidental team kills.

Greene had gotten wrapped up in the fighting, but Kawagucci realized how to win the battle. Pulling as many of his men as he could find out of fighting, Kawagucci waited for Greene's men to destroy themselves, before marching in and wiping out any remaining enemies. After his victory, Kawagucci pulled out of the Empirical Forest and rejoined with Browser's troops. The bodies of Greene and his men remained in the pitch-black forest for the remainder of the war; nobody would hike in to find them.

The Crossing of Bloodred River[edit]

This battle took place around an icy-cold twisty unnamed river that cut though Treaty Island. The fighting took place near a large waterfall. After this battle, the river was called Bloodred River.

Kawagucci's Ruse[edit]

It began when Wesley and Pieters, who was now Wesley's second-in-command, decided that Kawagucci was the main reason this war was still going on. They decided to launch a campaign to eliminate Kawagucci. After receiving notices that Kawagucci was leading a small force towards the aforementioned river, Wesley sent Pieters with a large force to eliminate Kawagucci. With him was an elite team of Moderate ninjas, led by Samurai Damont Sullivan. pieters and Sullivan hiked out, confident that Kawagucci couldn't possibly defeat them.

Kawagucci, however, had other plans. He had deliberately led such a tiny force so near to pirate territory, knowing that Wesley would jump at the opportunity. Secretly, he had two large forces flanking him on either side, both led by a ninja named Frederick MacPherson, which could come to his aid in two minutes. Also, he had mapped out the area earlier, and knew exactly where and when the pirates would probably show up.

Pieter's Advance and Defeat[edit]

Pieters arrived at the river's edge at high noon the next day, and saw a tiny camp on the other side. Remembering to surround the camp, he sent a quarter of his men into the forest on his left, and a quarter of his men into the forest on his right. The plan was to surround Kawagucci and prevent escape. He then marched his other men through the river. Sullivan, sensing a trap, warned Pieters, but Pieters ignored him. Sullivan decided to stay behind.

However, unbeknownst to Pieters, his two side forces were both silently eliminated by MacPherson's much larger ninja armies.

Pieters, not realizing how exposed he was, marched into the small camp, to find it abandoned! He realized that Kawagucci had tricked him.

The point was driven home when both of MacPherson's armies poured in from both sides and mowed down Pieter's men from all around, just like Pieters was planning on doing to Kawagucci. He and all his men were killed.

Sullivan's Death[edit]

When Sullivan saw Pieters and his men get butchered, his first thought was to escape. However, he noticed that Kawagucci was not part of the battle against Pieters. He deduced that Kawagucci was hiding somewhere nearby, waiting for him to turn around.

Which, surprisingly, Kawagucci was. Kawagucci and his original small force was mere meters away, hiding behind the waterfall.

Sullivan decided not to play into Kawagucci's hands, and decided instead to cross the river and escape the other way. It was the wrong desicion. While his men were forging through the river, MacPherson had time to pull out of the decoy camp and ready his troops to fight Sullivan.

However, Sullivan didn't get that far. A sniper on top of the waterfall head-shotted him, and he was killed. A young ninja named Derek Tyrone took control of the squad. Since he originally had disagreed with Sullivan, he now changed the orders to forging back across the river and melting into the forest.

Kawagucci and his men came out to stop him, but Tyrone had a head start, and managed to escape. Still, the battle was without a doubt the Radical Ninjas' victory. Kawagucci and his men celebrated long into the night, throwing Pietres and his men's dead bodies into the river, giving the river its name. Wesley starting looking for a new second-in-command. He settled on Ketters, the captain who had originally led during the Almost-War. Derek Tyrone was promoted to Purple Robot Sherrif rank and officially given command of the Moderate ninja legion. Ketters, Tyrone, and Kawagucci were going to meet again in the most important battle of the entire Pirate-Ninja War.

The Battle for Kawagucci Base[edit]

Without a doubt one of the largest and the most important battle, the Battle for Kawagucci Base marked the turning point in the war, when the pirates began fighting back and winning.

Construction of Kawagucci Base[edit]

It all started when Kawagucci decided to create a structure to command his forces from. So, he started a month-long project to create a base to control the war from, not realizing that it would cause a perfect target for the pirates. Wesley immediately sent large forces of pirates to take or destroy the new base. Ketters, the general from the Almost-War, led the bulk of the forces against Browser’s and Kawagucci’s combined troops in the front entrance of the base, while Wesley’s new second-in-command, Warren Porter, led a flanking party around the back of the base. Kawagucci sent three of his lieutenants, Klugian, Ambrose, and Elbert, to cover the east, west, and south sides of the base, respectively. Also, Ketters had a legion of Moderate Ninjas led by a Samurai named Derek Tyrone, who would hold back unless Ketters called for them. Other soon-to-be-notable officers included Cedric Blondebeard and Jack Sparrow for the pirates, and Ryan Evans for the ninjas.

Day one[edit]

Ketters was initially beaten back form the front of the base due to Kawagucci’s advanced tactics. However, he quickly revised his strategy, and sent snipers up into the nearby trees to provide cover-fire. Without Tyrone’s men, he fought Kawagucci’s men to a standstill.

Meanwhile, Porter’s men fought and defeated Klugian’s forces and captured Klugian. They moved towards Ambrose, but realized that Ambrose was leading a much larger force than Klugian was, and pulled back without attacking.

Day two[edit]

Ketters decided to play it offensive. He fired warning shots to rouse Kawagucci, and then sent all his men into the trees or the perimeter. Sure enough, when Kawagucci attacked, he had practically no one to shoot at, while his men were dropping like flies to unseen snipers. He pulled back into the base, and sent snipers of his own onto the roof of Kawagucci base.

Porter bypassed Ambrose and attacked Elbert. After bloody hand-to-hand combat, Porter claimed victory, but most of his men were killed. He knew there was no way he could fight Ambrose now.

Day three[edit]

Ketters was alerted about Kawagucci’s snipers, and knew he couldn’t move without losing men. Meanwhile, Porter’s remaining men climbed up onto the roof of the base and fought the snipers. Porter was killed, but his men claimed victory, though only seven remained. Ketters, now free, charged Kawagucci base, integrating most of the Moderate ninja squad into his forces, but sending Tyrone with a small team to aid Porter’s seven men. A small regiment of pirates under freelance Cedric Blondebeard linked up with Ketters, armed with muskets, cannons and cutlasses.

Ketters attacked Kawagucci inside the base. The fighting was horrible, and both sides were losing men by the tens. Browser was killed by a pirate’s cutlass. The horrific bloody combat continued ceaselessly.

Then, a cowboy walked in, and everyone stared.

Kawagucci remembered him from the Almost-War, and in anger grabbed a fallen pirate’s pistol and shot the cowboy three times. The cowboy fell to the floor. This jolted everyone from their trance, and the fighting commenced.

Ambrose attempted to enter the base and aid his commander, but Tyrone and his dozen men sniped any men who came too close, and Ambrose was forced to pull his forces into the jungle. Ambrose's decision not to attack remains a controversial one. Kawagucci repeatedly sent Lt. Evans with orders telling Ambrose to attack with all his men, but the pirate snipers, armed with rifled muskets, took too heavy a toll on his men. Kawagucci hoped by charging, Ambrose could turn the flank of the pirates and balance out the battle again. But it proved too risky, so he withdrew with Evans and his remaining forces.

In the base, the fighting continued long into the night.

Day four[edit]

Ketters had been killed by a stray bullet. The pirates withdrew and regrouped before attacking again in full force, sending in musketeers first. The musketeers inflicted a heavy toll on the ninjas, and then the pirate infantry attacked, ripping apart the once-organized ninja formation. Kawagucci and three of his officers hid in a corner, shooting at pirates with captured muskets, until Tyrone blasted down the wall Kawagucci was next to. Seeing a chance for promotion, Cedric Blondebeard rushed up to Kawagucci and aimed his pistol at his head. Kawagucci and the three ninjas were captured, and Blondebeard was promoted. Had Blondebeard not been promoted, the ninjas may have won the war.

The Destruction of the United Pirate Fleet[edit]

The ninjas were by no means finished, though they were getting there. Since the pirates could reinforce themselves from men on board the pirate ships, while the ninjas just had to live with the men they had, it only seemed a matter of time until the Radical ninjas were defeated. However, one ambitious ninja officer, Ryan Evans, thought of a plan to rescue their commander, and dispose of the entire fleet. Late one night, Ryan Evans, an until-then unknown and unremarkable officer, wrote himself into ninja history books for centuries to come.

The Barracuda[edit]

Unlike most pirates or ninjas, Ryan Evans was skilled in a variety of sciences, and knew a lot about physical science, so in other words was a very boring person. So, with his engineering knowledge, he constructed a very crude submarine for four people, also a very boring drawn out plan, laced with explosives that could be attached to the hulls of the pirate ships. He named his sub the Barracuda, which is a 'very' unique name for a boat. Wow.

Evan’s mission[edit]

Late one night, Along with three trained assistants, Evans sailed to each pirate ship, and planted bombs on the underside of each one, including the Eighth Piece. Then, he attached the Barracuda to the side of the Eighth Piece, sneaked aboard, and began killing all the pirates in their sleep. One of the pirates killed was Rucker Wesley himself.

However, when they attacked Kawagucci’s guards and rescued Kawagucci, the alarm was sounded. The remaining pirates were alerted, and rushed to stop them. All other pirate ships woke up and began sailing towards the Eighth Piece.

Evans, Kawagucci, and his men attempted to fight their way out. One by one, the assistants were killed, but Evans and Kawagucci made their way back to the Barracuda. With every pirate ship closing in, Evans unhooked from the Eighth Piece, and pushed the button that blew up every single pirate ship. He returned to the island, and Kawagucci returned to command the Radical Ninja troops.

The Black Pearl, under command of Captain Jack Sparrow, was the only surviving ship, since it had been out on a "reconnaissance mission" (reinforcing the stock of rum) at the time.

The Blondebeard Campaign[edit]

With the destruction of the pirate fleet, almost every pirate commander in the army had been killed. Overall command fell to one who used to be ninth in line for command, Cedric Blondebeard. While he didn't actually want command, he reluctantly accepted, and began a campaign to wipe out the Radical ninjas using sheer force and numbers. Basically, Blondebeard was planning to keep pouring his men into every battle until he had claimed victory. This blunt strategy had drastic changes on the flow of the war.

While there were many battles in the Blondebeard Campaign, this article only chronicles the first, last, and most interesting ones.

The Triumph at Shoreline Beach[edit]

The first battle of Blondebeard's Campaign took place against the inexperienced Ninja commander Leroy Rice. Rice had developed claustrophobia in the forest, and had pulled his small army onto the beach, overlooking the fact that he was dangerously exposed.

Blondebeard's scouts reported that a small ninja army was relaxing on the beach. Blondebeard didn't hesitate. Minutes after finding this out, he sent one of the last remaining pirate ships to sail to the beach and trap the ninjas. The ship was the Black Pearl under Jack Sparrow, it had not been part of the United Pirate Fleet and so was not destroyed. Blondebeard pulled his forces out of the forest, and sent his musketeers forward to decimate the ninja front lines, before sending in his infantry armed with flintlock pistols and cutlasses. The ninja flanks were annihilated by the guns of the Black Pearl, and Sparrow sent a large platoon of men to surround the ninjas and cut off any avenues of retreat. Blondebeard's culverins and the cannons of the Black Pearl pounded the center of the ninja army. Rice foolishly tried to escape into the ocean, where he was shot dead by Jack Sparrow himself. He was the last casualty of the battle. He was survived by his daughter Condoleeza.

The Treetop Skirmish[edit]

One of the strangest fights of the war was fought in a light, rainy, almost tropical section of the rain forest, which had a large deep chasm running through the middle. It was the only battle that didn't include any pirates, and the only battle where none of the fighting took place on the ground.

It started when the forest surrounding this small patch of the island was deluged with acid rain. Two small forces, a Radical Ninja army led by Ryan Evans, now Kawagucci's second-in-command, and a Moderate ninja army led by Green Robot Sherrif Alan Barry, took refuge in the small part of the forest, where the foliage was thick enough to block out the rain. There, both sides saw each other from opposite sides of the chasm. The two commanders stood on either side and tried to work out a temporary compromise where the two sides could wait the storm out and leave in peace.

It didn't work that way. Both commanders began a heated debate, and neither could work out a compromise. Finally, both in a rage, they challenged each other to a duel. Each had one condition. Evans, who wasn't good with firearms, said that all guns must be put aside. Barry, an amazing tree-climber, said that all fighting must take place in the trees above the chasm.

So, unbelievably, both sides followed their commanders into the tree, and started dueling with swords over the chasm. It was a very strange battle. The lack of any weapons other than swords, the ability to escape/attack three-dimensionally, the fact that one slip sent you hurling into the chasm, and the acid rain marking the boundaries all added up to the strangest free-for-all of the war.

Neither commander had ever fought anything like it before, and had no tried-and-true tactics to rely on. As a result, the battle became a melee. Men were dropping like flies (literally), and the commanders seemed to be the only ones skilled enough to kill people.

Eventually, the vine Evans was holding on to was cut from above, and he fell to his death. Barry, now unchallenged, captured the last of Evans' troops, and his surviving men pulled back to wait out the storm.

The Second battle of Rocky Point[edit]

The second-to-last battle of the entire war, the Second Battle of Rocky Point pitted battle-hardened Commander Kawagucci against the newly instated Commander Blondebeard.

Kawagucci, his armies destroyed, his generals killed, led his last remaining army through the forest, constantly in pursuit by Blondebeard's forces and his supplies cut off by the Black Pearl, which occasionally fired cannonades into the forest, causing casualties to the ninjas. The situation got worse every day, until the day Kawagucci, pinned down from three sides, emerged from the north end of the forest to find himself on Rocky Point, at the top of a steep cliff. He was trapped.

Blondebeard, however, wasn't in as good a position as Kawagucci thought. His tactics of sending massive amounts of men into every battle had cost him, and he had his men stretched thin in an attempt to create the illusion that he was better reinforced than he actually was. Now that his final adversary was trapped, Blondebeard pulled all his men into one force, and prepared to rush and wipe out Kawagucci's forces. His trusted right-hand man, Captain Jack Sparrow, who had received great recognition after the triumph of Shoreline Beach, landed south of Rocky Point, and prepared to attack the ninjas from behind when they were engaged with Blondebeard's forces. Sparrow's men only numbered about 50 as opposed to Blondebeard's large army, but they were specially trained to disrupt the organized ninja formations when given the call to arms.

But, like Pieters before him, Kawagucci used his natural advantages and protection to hold his ground. However, since he thought Blondebeard had huge masses of troops, he thought he couldn't hold out forever. He formulated a last-ditch plan to get out of this predicament alive.

That night, Kawagucci began climbing his men down the cliff. It was really rocky and loose, and many of his men fell to their deaths. However, on his order, they must fall to their death in silence, so as not to alert Blondebeard of their plan. When he reached the bottom, he found that most of the cliff was being held by several very large boulders at the cliff's base.

The next day, Blondebeard, whose forces were still out numbering Kawagucchi's, knew that he was losing more men than he should be. Nevertheless, he sent his men out, to find that the point was abandoned, even though there was nowhere Kawagucci could have run to. He sent his forces into the rocks to search them thoroughly.

It was the opportunity Kawagucci was waiting for. His men removed the boulders, and the cliff collapsed in a large avalance, with Blondebeard's men in it.

Most of Blondebeard's men were killed, but he and and a fair amount survived, and regrouped at the bottom of the mountain. Both sides only numbered a tiny force of about 400 men apiece. Sparrow's 60 men fell back to the Black Pearl, as they assumed the Ninja army was far larger than it was and that Blondebeard was dead.

So ended the Battle of Rocky Point. Immediately following this battle will be the deciding battle of the Pirate-Ninja War.

Last Stand on the Igneous Rock Bed[edit]

The final battle took place the day after the Second Battle of Rocky Point. It was fought on a bed of solidified magma at the north foot of Mount Madroño, an active volcano.

Kawagucci and his remaining men had rested at the base of the volcano. Now, Kawagucci planned to hike over the Igneous Rock Bed to the debris of the fallen Rocky Point Cliff and kill any remaining pirates quickly.

Blondebeard, meanwhile, and his men left the erosion and began hiking towrds the volcano, since Blondebeard mistakenly assumed Kawagucci had run away after collapsing the cliff.

The two sides met near the middle of the rock bed. There was a tense standoff, nether commander wanting to make the first move, until one pirate suddenly whipped out his pistol and shot the ninja right next to Kawagucci. Both sides charged each other, and the fighting ensued. Blondeberad sent a courier ordering Jack Sparrow to redeem himself for his cowardice in the previous battle, as he had fled. Sparrow did so, leading the same platoon of pirates that had previously fled into the Ninja flank. Sparrow's elite pirate force broke through the ninja left flank, and occupied the position, pressing against the Ninja center. Kawagucci's forces were outmaneuvered and pushed back towards the volcano, sustaining hevay casualties.

Kawagucci's men were pushed back towards the volcano, and Blondebeard was winning the battle. Suddenly, Kawagucci and Blondebeard met face to face on the battle field, and Kawagucci struck him down. Seeing their commander killed, the pirates lost hope, and Kawagucci's men began turning the tide of the battle.

Kawagucci's Death[edit]

However, in attacking Blondebeard, Kawagucci had drawn himself far away from his men. The nearby pirates converged on him, and Kawagucci was overwhelmed. The actual kill has been credited to a young pirate named Eric Grey. Grey led the charge against Kawagucci. After a brief melee, Grey was disarmed and knocked to the ground. He grabbed the fallen Blondebeard's cutlass and stabbed Kawagucci just before Kawagucci could deliver the finishing blow. Jack Sparrow shouted a war cry, having become the new pirate commander with the death of Blondebeard, and led the pirate forces in a surge against the remaining ninjas. The pirates hacked through the ninjas with their cutlasses, decimating their large numbers. Jack Sparrow himself was wounded in the right arm by Kawagucci's replacement, Mitsuhide Tokugawa, who was a better swordsman than Kawagucci, but knew nothing of warfare or tactics. After a long duel, Sparrow stabbed Tokugawa through the heart, killing him. The arm wound forced Sparrow to retreat to the Black Pearl. He left Eric Grey in command.

After Sparrow's withdrawal , the remaining ninjas (who only numbered around 100 men) retreated up Mount Madroño. The pirates followed them, picking them off with pistol shots. Several times, a wounded ninja would fall from a pistol shot, but then, when the pirates ran by, the injured ninja would swipe out with his sword and fall several pirates. A pirate would then kill the ninja, but this happened so many times that, near the end, only three ninjas, four pirates, and a Moderate ninja reached the top of the mountain.

The eight dueled in hand-to-hand combat, and eventually one ninja was left to fight a pirate and the Moderate. He retreated around to the south side of the volcano, setting a quick trap using his black belt as a trip wire. He then escaped the volcano, and jumped to an adjacent mesa that was mere feet away.

The two followed, and the Moderate ninja was tripped by the belt and fell into the volcano. The remaining pirate followed the Radical ninja on to the mesa.

The Duel on Dusty Mesa[edit]

The last active survivor of both sides prepared for the final showdown of the Pirate-Ninja war. It took place on Dusty Mesa, a round flat projection jutting out of a swampland. Although fighting had gone on in the swamp around it, it was one of the few parts of the island where no fighting had yet took place, mainly because the only way onto it was jumping from the mouth of the volcano.

Both combatants were excellent choices to represent their respective sides. While both fought in scores of small battles, they had also participated in many of the more important ones.

The Combatants[edit]

Samurai Xavier Xerxes[edit]

The last ninja of Kawagucci's Radical forces, Xerxes had seen more action than most. Originally a member of the group that freed Kawagucci from the mainland prison, he was later part of the underwater troops in the Battle of the Green Lagoon, escaped down the cliff in the First Battle of Rocky Point (which was why Kawagucci decided to try it again during the Second battle), was a survivor of the Blind Battle of Empirical Forest, and survived several battles during the Blondebeard Campaign.

Captain Yally Yoryin[edit]

Unlike Xerxes, Yoryin was involved in the conflict before the war even started. Originally one of the plaintiffs of the Supreme Court case Pirate v. Ninja, he later was present in the Almost-war during the re-writing of the treaty. Later, he escaped into the forest after the defeat at Green Lagoon, took command of a squadron of troops in the not-quite-so-important Standoff At the Vernal Pool, fought with Ketters in the Battle for Kawagucci Base and was part of the group that brought Kawagucci back to Wesley, and was blown overboard when the Eighth Piece exploded, where he swam himself 2 miles back to shore. He also took an active role in the Blondebeard Campaign.

Zeke Zazoo[edit]

While not technically a combatant, the Moderate ninja who fell into the crater was actually still alive at this point, having prolonged his life by unleashing and hooking a crag with his rope and harness before plunging into the lava. However, he passed out from the extreme heat in the crater, and died of water loss while attached to the volcano wall. In history books, he is remembered as the 'fourth finalist,' despite his not appearing in the final duel. The third finalist will be revealed in the next section.

The Actual Fight[edit]

Yoryin, his pistol empty, drew his cutlass. Xerxes drew his katana. Both charged each other, and the fight began.

The sword fighting lasted for over an hour. During the duel, large amounts of dust was kicked up, forming a cloud around the top of mesa so it became impossible to tell who was who.

Eventually, though it was impossible to see who, one of them killed the other, and raised his hands into the air in triumph. The victor was then shot in the back by a man in a cowboy hat, though historians still debate where this man came from.

Since both combatants were killed and covered with dust, it couldn't be seen who had actually won the duel. As a result, the Pirate-Ninja war was called a draw.**

See Effects of the War**

The Effects of the War[edit]

Hundreds of pirates and ninjas had been killed in the fighting, and few came home from it, so most of the war is shrouded in mystery. With all the loudmouths killed, the pirates and ninja communities on the mainland were quiet, and both sides generally left each other alone, but some commanders, such as Jack Sparrow, would never lose their hatred for the opposing side.However Captain Jack Sparrow has many reasons to hate Ninja and their actions. For example, it was allegedly presumed that Dr. McNinja "Crimped one off" in Captain Jack Sparrows jar of dirt. This in pirate law is an immediate offence, as anyone who pissed off their cap'n is "walk'in Tharrrr plank!" By all means this is a radical thing to do over the regards of a jar of dirt, But Captain Jack Sparrow was also pissed off at the well placed accusation he laid to the ninja clans. I quote from the conference in the Caribbean, "Why is the rum gone?" Immediately Captain Jack Sparrows second officer Heinz Smith exclaimed "Feggin ninja!" Ever since many a pirate has blamed Ninja for the crime of "Stelin thar stash 'O' Rum!" Causing many a friction between the two sides in the pirate-ninja war. Unbeknownst to most of the pirate and ninja factions however was the late introduction of the Lumberjack guild into the fray. After having listened to the continuous rambling of a stranded ninja in Canada about the conflict they strapped him up to the practice pole for the recruits to attempt their assassination techniques on. Afterwards they sought out Treaty Island and laid waste to the island, claiming that every tree, bush, flower and fungi had been placed on their assassination list. The truth behind this has yet to be revealed, though some claim that this action was in fact taken to 'stop the senseless fighting between those idiot ninja and pirate clans over a damnable island'. Any survivors found were, of course, killed by the inflamed lumberjacks. The ramifications of these actions have yet to unfold, though most of the surviving pirates and ninjas may not know of these actions due to the subsequent eruption of Mount Madroño and further sinking of the island.

Mount Madroño erupts[edit]

Later, an attempt was made to organize a search party to go to Treaty Island and find some survivors, but, before it was fully planned out, Mount Madroño erupted, covering the entire island with lava and killing every plant and animal still on it. The island then sunk into the ocean, never to be seen again. It is said Atlanteans now own the island.

Also, the Smithsonian quadrupled the amount of security around the Pirate-Ninja treaty. The photocopied version was sold on eBay for 15,000 yen. As a side note an edited version of a video of the war exists on albino blacksheep.com under the name "to kill a mockingbird."


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