Plan 69 from Outer Space

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Plan 69 from Outer Space Insertion Team

Called the "sexiest Plan from Outer Space ever" by Plan from Outer Space planning consultants, Plan 69 from Outer Space, like many similar Plans from Outer Space, proved to be no more than a flaccid, prematurely-executed, unsatisfying dud. By all accounts, Plan 69 from Outer Space quite simply sucked.


Unlike the other Plans from Outer Space, Plan 69 was devised to prevent Earth's human race from having wild sex, getting it on, and doing the nasty, all in an effort to reduce, and ultimately eradicate, Earth's human population. After the first 68 plans failed to gain the attention of Earth's utterly-worthless internet porn industry, the Plan from Outer Space planners were forced to implement Plan 69 from Outer Space, if only for the sheer gratuitousness of it all.

Later investigations, however, indicated that Plans 1-68 from Outer Space may have failed because the operatives carrying out those plans had forgotten (or simply ignored) proper safe sex procedures.

The Plan[edit]

Leading the implementation team was Commander Penos, a veteran of countless pornographic video shoots. Assisted by the large-breasted (and always willing) Lt. Wanna-Wanna, The Leader was "supremely confident" that Plan 69 would succeed, despite the failure of the previous 68 plans.

Problems arose almost immediately when Wanna-Wanna began to express reservations about the rather prudish nature of Plan 69 from Outer Space, which involved stealing Earth's entire Viagra supply and replacing it with Pez while no one was looking. Penos, a diehard sexual deviant of unquestioning loyalty to The Leader, was forced to spend valuable mission time convincing Wanna-Wanna of the need to deny rock-hard erections to the puny Earthlings who, with their one-track minds, were clearly be-otches.

Getting It On[edit]

Early in the mission, Penos was nearly blown by one of the female Viagra Extraction Team members when a condom malfunctioned. Though saved by rubber cement, Penos nevertheless suspected Wanna Wanna of causing the malfunction herself by deliberately pinholing the device.

Disaster struck when one of the team left an orifice open on their spacecraft, TLS Wobblingdiaphragm 57, allowing three well-hung humans to insert themselves into the rocket ship. The humans managed to secure three condoms, a vibrator, and several titty magazines during a violent orgy which left Penos severely unable to perform.

At that point, Plan 69 from Outer Space was doomed to failure. Allowing the humans to reach climax with full knowledge of the diaphragm's internal design, Wanna-Wanna attempted to drive the rocket into Uranus, only to have the engines suffer catastrophic failure during the climb out of her own over-lubricated rectal cavity. Engulfed in KY Jelly™ and unable to control the newly-installed and over-sophisticated "rhythmic-pulse" propulsion system, the ship exploded in orgasmic fury while still in your pants, and both crew members were completely exhausted.

Post-Coital Analysis[edit]

The Plan had no flaws whatsoever.

The Shattering Climax[edit]

We have concluded that a second attempt to implement Plan 69 from Outer Space, using more recent technology and a much larger dildo, would be extremely popular among drunken frat boys. However, it might be best to wait for the next Ginger Lynn video release before moving forward with re-implementation.

See Also[edit]