Plum

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“Something you don't want to meet on a dark alley.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Plum
Plum
Conservation status:
Damn Hard To Find
Olivine basalt.jpg
Average Plum(Thehh Rock Plumm)
Scientific classification
Kingdom Finland
Phylum WTF _is_ Phylum?
Class Alcoholic
Order Knights of the Round Table
Family Guitarist
Genus Rock Star
Species Plum-Kiwi-Hybrid
Binomial Name Superhero
Primary Armament Beer bottle
Secondary Armament Crappy Music
Tertiary Armament Danish Sidekick
Main Propellant Ethanol
HP: [1]
Mana Points: Infinite
Strength: As much as Superman
Intelligence: More than you have
Weight Way less than you do
Length Bigger than you have
Special Attack Sneak Attack
Conservation Status Almost Extinct

A plum or Tiitta is a carnivorous superhero in the genus Alcoholic, subgenus Rock Star. The subgenus is distinguished from other subgenera (Rappers, presidents, Napoleons, etc.) because of the fact that average Plum has higher IQ than combined amount of scrap metal (243kg)[2] average rapper carries around. Plums are well known of their remarkable liver which is capable of sustaining alcohol 30.000 times of LD50[3] (more than Irishmen, which is a lot). Because Plums can sustain vast amounts of alcohol they spend most of their lifespan in state of drunkenness and/or hangover. Plums are masters of redundancy which makes them hideous enemies.

Birth[edit]

The exact birthday of Plum is not yet known but it is suspected that plums have been hanging around Vantaa since the World War Three.

Early Life[edit]

The early life of Plum still remains a mystery, however, Abraham Lincoln managed to hack together following equation[4] after devoting of his life[5] to this noble cause.

  • B = Number of beer bottles consumed

Education[edit]

Average Plum is usually quite well educated. Majority of Plums decide that Waldorf education is the best form of education in the universe. It is, after all, a well known fact that Chuck Norris has been a lifelong student of Rudolf Steiner.

Being a Steinerkid (Steinerlapsi)[edit]

Like most students of Rudolf Steiner, Plum can be categorized as being a Steinerlapsi[6][7] (A Steinerkid, not much unlike Emo kid). Being a Steinerlapsi requires vast amount of mental discipline and it takes years to become one. There are only 4¼ people that have passed the infamous Eurythmics test; Plum, Chuck Norris, Urho Kekkonen, Squirrel and FSM, respectively.

Plum in popular culture[edit]

In popular culture Plums are usually portrayed as being extremely violent sadistic drunks, which does not differ much from reality. Plums have made several notable appearances in popular culture:

  • Dr. Strangeplum or: How I Learned to Stop Eating Flesh and Love the Plum
Film tells about a war between bananas and Plums, A mad Plum general authorizes a full scale attack against bananas using a troop of monkeys.
  • Plum Warz 1 -
In a galaxy far, far, awa...Crap, you get the picture.
  • Plum Force 1 & 2
A kickass Plum who can kick entire army's ass decides to do so. Chuck Norris[8] is so far the only Plum capable of surrounding entire city alone and run faster than average airplane (simultaneously).

Famous Quotes[edit]

  • Plums answer to any question known to man :
"Se on ihan että miltä susta tuntuu."
(Translates: "Like, it's just about, like, how you, like, feel, like, like.")

Last Words[edit]

“Kyllä mä vielä yhden shotin voin juoda !”

References[edit]

  1. The HP increases with Plums blood alcohol level
  2. From a study made by Adolf Hitler in 1984 which also states that "Wir müssen die rappers ausrotten!" and "Es ist Zeit für Rache!" (Translates as: "Although I love rap music would you please turn it down just a little bit? Thank you.")
  3. Based on extensive empiric evidence.
  4. 12 virgins have been sacrificed in making of this equation, however, we are pleased to inform you that no animals were harmed (lethally) in the process.
  5. It has been rumoured that his last words were: "Infinite ! The ultimate answer is inffff..." after which John Wilkes Booth replied calmly "Cry Havoc! and let slip the dogs of war."
  6. Steinerlapsi is one of the highest military ranks in Soviet Russia, the only rank above it is a "Jack Bauer"
  7. In fact, the only being capable of stopping Jack Bauer is our Lord and Saviour Rudolf Steiner. When asked, he had this to say: "[Steiner-message: You can only read this if you are in Waldorf school]". It is not unusual that Steinerlapsis hail each other as Comrades.
  8. Against common belief Chuck Norris is indeed a Plum.