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Why are you looking at me like that? I didn't do it!

Plushophilia is the sexual and/or romantic attraction to stuffed animals. This is one of the more misunderstood sexual practices in the world, given that people are self-assured, closed-minded buttfucks in general, but who cares? Masturbating with a plushie is one of the best things you can do with your spare time (granted that you are a plushophile, of course.)

And how exactly does one have sex with a plush toy, you ask? The answer is, any way you want. It's not like the plushie is going to object (unless you imagine that it has a personality.) Most often, humping is involved, or the use of an SPH (strategically placed hole). In case you were wondering, masturbation is actually good for you. Yes, sir. That was really random--kind of.

So, if it such an innocent and wholesome practice, why in the world do people have a problem with it? Well, first of all, there is the issue of size. Plushies generally aren't the size of a full-grown human. To answer this dilemma, I quote the movie Bride of Chucky:

"It's not the size that matters--it's what you do with it."

Another issue is the possible implications of bestiality. I have no strong opinions for or against bestiality, but plushophilia is:

  1. Only bestiality if you imagine it to be, and
  2. Is a potential healthy outlet for people's bestiality fantasies.

So, you and your pet poodle's ass are safe. Then there is the stereotype of fat, smelly middle-aged men as furries that is often associated with plushophilia. This does not have to be true. I myself am a cute little teenager (just kidding, maybe not cute, but I'm not a fat smelly middle-aged man.)

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Be forewarned: this is not a comprehensive field guide to plushophilia. I'm not God. If your little brother's teddy bear is mysteriously covered in a gooey substance, it's not our problem.

Sexual Fetishes, Paraphilias, and Assorted Perversions
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Plushophilia is the sexual and/or romantic attraction to stuffed animals.